Show Day

B and I went to the Royal Show today and I decided that I would relax my VLCD for the day and have a shake for breakfast and dinner but eat something different at the Show. Kind of like a "last stand" I suppose, before my lap sleeving next month! I knew that already my tastes and body have changed so I wouldn't feel like having anything super high fat like the old days (eg: Dagwood Dog, chips, toffee apple, waffles...). Also, the great thing about the Show is all the walking! We went at least two or three kilometres all up, even though it was stop and start and a slow pace I felt good about the exercise. I ended up having corn on the cob with butter, salt and pepper, a fruit icypole and a roast beef roll throughout the five hours we were there - and I am damn proud of myself I didn't overdo it.

Weighed in this morning at 160.2kg - a loss of just 800g ): It's not surprising, considering I went off the rails this week. Also I am retaining fluid in my usual monthly fashion (if you know what I mean!), so I feel confident of another good loss next week. At least the scales are going down - the direction they are going PERMANENTLY.

Changed my blog title from Lap Band to Lap Sleeve, now that I am committed to the lap tube gastrectomy.

La La La

*twiddling thumbs*

Bit of a ho hum mood. Almost at the end of Week Three on Optifast, and I must confess that this week has been a slack one. I had sandwiches for lunch on Tuesday (catering for our Board Meeting) then came home craving pizza on Wednesday but satisfied myself with making spag bol and having mostly meat hardly any nasty white carb pasta... I don't expect to have lost much this week.

Haven't heard from APRA yet, of course - I am hopeful to get an answer sometime next week but as long as the money comes through before 29 Oct I'll be happy.

APRA & Early Release Super

Finally got all the paperwork together for my claim to APRA for early release of my superannuation - the application ended up being 12 pages long! I faxed it through and posted it and now the process begins of waiting and keeping my fingers crossed. I have one concern and that is that I need almost the entire amount I have in super ($18,000) and from what I have heard the super funds like you to leave some in there. Maybe they will only give me some of it... then I need to apply to my husband's super fund, or refinance a personal loan with the bank. Not for a second have I questioned the process, though. I need this surgery now, not in 12 months when my health insurance waiting period is up. By then I could easily have gained 20-50kg - why not find the money now and LOSE 20-50kg in the same time period??

I am so scared that my superannuation fund won't give me any money at all, which I know they have done in the past to other claimants. They're one of the funds that are known to be painful about early release. Just trying to think positive, and trust that the universe will provide.

Another Day, Another Weigh

Weigh In this morning and I am an even 161kg - so nine kilos lighter than when I started this journey 2 weeks ago. Pretty happy with that! I am aiming to be 145kg by my surgery date, which averages out to about 3kg a week - totally doable.

I have a new exercise incentive (see photo). She is an abandoned stray named Scruff, about 7 years old, and hubby and I have been walking her 2/3 times every day. Gets us out of the house and she loves it.

Other news - I have a shocking cold and am feeling like eating eating eating. I know it's just emotional hunger, as my shakes and vegies are taking care of the nutrients...but damn if it doesn't feel just as legitimate as real physical hunger. I can't wait to have the lap tube and to know 100% that my stomach is full, so therefore if I'm hungry it's my soul that's empty.

Love & luck to all

Lil xxxx

I Got Myself A Date!!!

Oh my god, whoever would have thought I'd be EXCITED to go to hospital! I have been accepted for lap tube gastrectomy surgery on October 29th - all going well with the pre-surgery appointments and my six week VLCD.

YAY!

I weighed in at Dr Jon's at 162.8kg, which means I have theoretically lost more weight. But it's just the discrepancy in scales - I will keep mine weighing heavier so that when I go to the Doc's I won't get a rude shock. My only problem will be if Gorgeous Jon puts in his laporoscope and the scarring from my abdominal surgery (aged 7) is too severe for him to do the procedure. It has happened, apparently, but it's rare. It happened to him the other day, the poor woman must have been devastated to go through everything only to have him unable to complete the surgery (in that case a lapband).

OH MY GOD, I AM ACCEPTED!!

New Scales

Finally got some bathroom scales that can weigh me and I came in at 166.2kg. I think I have lost about 4 kg in my week on Optifast, so I reckon my estimate of my weight at 170kg was pretty accurate. I am thrilled that I've done so well on my first week on Optifast. I've never done a meal replacement diet before, even though I have tried pretty much everything else there is... I really thought I would be hungry all the time, which I'm not. I have added a bit of protein here and there, though, like last night I had a rasher of bacon with the fat cut off and an egg and ate that as I drank my shake. I've read that some Optifasters (esp in America) add protein powder to their shakes, so I don't think it's a problem. I will check all this on Monday when I visit Gorgeous Jon at Mercy...I can't wait to have my first official appointment and finally get started.

166.2kg and going down!!!!!!!

Before Photos

ONE - The last time I was a "normal" weight, 65kg, height 173cm. It was 1986 and I was sixteen, going to a Ball. Who knows WHAT was with my Princess Di head tilt!!!

TWO - 1992, London. The aunty I stayed with called me fat SO many times. I was about 85kg wearing size 18.

THREE - Amalfi Coast, Italy. Same trip as above. I love this photo of myself. I hope I get back that sense of freedom and possibility, though I think some of it disappears with age!

FOUR - Blue Ridge Mountains, USA. Why are all my favourite healthy photos of me travelling??? I guess I did travel a lot in those days. Before seat belt extender entered my vocabulary...1995, 100kg ish

FIVE- Sept 2007, just when I started Optifast in preparation for gastric surgery, band or sleeve. Around 170kg I think.

SIX - Denver, Colorado USA. Jeez I was a mess. By then I weighed around 125kg and was tired and asthmatic.

I have decided to move these photos into a post for now, until there is something to compare them to, maybe? For some reason, I don't want to see them every time I log in, even though they are a terrific incentive not to eat ha ha!! Also, I have added some photos of when I was healthier and smaller, also as an incentive. The photo next to my underwear shots was taken only 3 years after the one above it...amazing what a broken heart does to ya.

Officially Disabled?

Over here in Perth we have new(ish) buses that do a lot of the public transport routes - they have these fancy ramps that extend out and the bus lowers down in order for wheelchair passengers to roll onboard. This morning I was waiting for the bus as usual and when it pulled up I was surprised to see the bus slowly lower down, and the ramp extended. You can see where I'm going with this... Anyway... I looked over my shoulder and moved to the side to allow the "disabled" person to get on first. NO DISABLED PERSON THERE. Oh my god, it hits me that the bus driver, bless him, had made it easy for ME to get on the bus!!!!!!!!! ME!!! I have never ever thought of myself as being handicapped or disabled by my weight, even though it's not exactly a "bonus" lol.

I sat on the bus not knowing whether to laugh or cry - ended up laughing which is my usual trick. And you know what, it really DID make it easier to step onto the bus, cause some mornings I really have to HEFT myself up that step!

Liquid Life, Day Four

Things on Optifast/Ultraslim/Nutrimeal are going great. I am sticking to about 800 calories a day, combining the various VLCD meal replacements - once I see my surgeon I am happy to switch to Clinical or whatever. Of course, sometimes it's really really hard... a lot of the time, actually. I miss savouries, which is why I have used some of the Optifast soup. I'm also having salad or vegies every night, and it's such fun chewing!! During the day I have Extra chewing gum handy and have a piece now and again when I feel the urge to chomp on something.

I am bloody irritable though. And headachy. The foul taste in my mouth I am ASSUMING is ketones (unless a rat crawled in there and died sometime without me noticing...). Three people told me I looked like I'd lost weight today, and even though I laughed it off, I kind of felt that maybe it was true! My pants seemed less tight, though that could be the fact that my period has finished. I'm happy, anyway. FINALLY I feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel, all I have to do is get accepted by Gorgeous Jon and his offsiders, convince REST to release my super, keep on trying to de-fatty my liver and then SHAZAAM, I will have a permanently reduced capacity to eat. Yeah, I'm a dreamer (but I'm not the only one RFLMAO!!!!)

Weight Loss History

I've been putting together a medical/weight history to take to my appointment on 17/9 and decided to post some of the relevant points here, so I can always see them and remind myself of why this HAS TO BE THE LAST TIME. I simply can't survive this way, yoyoing up and down so much. In my heart, I know it's killing me...

1985 (age 15). With a BMI of 22 I am the second heaviest person in my class (including boys) and when our weights are written on the blackboard I am ridiculed. I dream of such a BMI these days lol!!
1989 (age 19). Weight Watchers brings me down from 135kg to 110kg in six months
1997 (age 27). Personal problems, depression contribute to gaining 25kg in about three months. Back up to 135kg
2001 (age 31). An obesity specialist, dietician and Xenical (in those days on prescription only) helps me lose 20kg and I go from 140 to 120kg.
2003 (age 33). Develop agoraphobia and serious depression, medication helps but unfortunately the meds lead to me gaining weight, ending up around 155kg.
2004 (age 34). Doctor Phil's Weight Loss Challenge - awesome books and support group online, I lost 30kg and was fit and healthy (also had personal trainer).
2005 (age 35). Changed jobs, lost focus, developed fibromyalgia, by 2007 I am up to my heaviest weight yet - what feels like 175kg. I can't weigh myself on my scales as they only go to 150kg, but I am usually pretty accurate about guessing my weight. I can't fit into my size 26 jeans, which fit me fine when I was 155.


I am so tired these days, just walking up the one flight of stairs to my office makes me short of breath. I literally feel as though I am going to burst out of my poor over-stretched skin. Enough, as they say, is enough.

The Liquid Life

I am in Day Two of the liquid diet - using Nutrimeal from Usana (nutritional supplement company). My parents are members of Usana, and had heaps of the Chocolate and Strawberry shakes left over as one of their customers only likes the Vanilla sachets and they come in packs! So it was a cheap/free way to start the liquid diet. They are nutritionally sound, very similar in protein, calories, etc to Optifast cause I checked the labels. I actually like the shakes, especially the strawberry one, but I am sure the novelty will wear off quickly. But at least I have a purpose, and I feel like this is a great way to prepare for my Sept 17 appointment and get my mind into weight loss mode. I am having salad or non-starchy vegies for my dinner to supplement the shakes, as this is what seems to be recommended with Optifast.

At least it's a start. I am SO excited about (hopefully) getting in line for surgery. I know it will be at least a couple of months before I can get there... I am leaning towards the lap tube gastrectomy, but I will see what Gorgeous Jon has to say. It seems a shame to not be banded though, as there are so many awesome BANDITS out there, and great support groups. Because the lap sleeve is not as common, I suppose it's harder to find people who've had it.

My hubby has been roped in to take some before photos tomorrow, which I will post here in due course. Must do measurements as well, in the past it's been a good way to judge my weight loss.

Got My First Appointment

Last night the Seminar was fantastic. How awesome are the laproscopic videos??!! I loved being able to see all the inside workings of the lap band and the lap sleeve procedures, even though I think a few people were grossed out. I can't get over how little blood there is.

In two minds about which procedure to have done. I feel more confident about the technical aspects of the lap band, but I think the way the lap sleeve works may be more useful for me. I have my appointment with Gorgeous Jon (Armstrong) on Sept 17 and am considering starting Optifast or Clinical before then - partly to emphasise how committed I am to the procedure/life change and partly because it will get me in the habit of sipping, sipping, sipping.

Started the long and tedious process of getting my medical records - I am hoping that the records don't have to be 100% comprehensive as I have been through a number of different doctors and hospitals in my time. One surgery I contacted today said it is $150 for each set of records they retrieve from storage!! Times that by ten or fifteen doctors... yikes.

Still excited and focused though. One way or another, this is going to happen and I am going to feel full for the first time in my life!! Yippee!

Anticipation...

How funny is this. I am SO excited about tomorrow night's seminar at Mercy, have been planning how to get there, what to wear, and it suddenly struck me that I'm acting it's like my first date (blush) with Dr Armstrong!! Talk about transference. I guess these bariatric surgeons must get that A LOT... "miserable obese desperate woman 37, seeking knight in shining armour to band her stomach. Non-smokers only please". Is it just me or are a lot of these surgeons YOUNG & HOT?? Okay, it's just me. But give me a break, the last time I was in hospital I had pnuemonia and was in a ward full of geriatric, emphysemic old codgers (and that was just the doctors...boom boom).

Is it weird to love hospitals? I spent a lot of time in them as a kid, and I guess I feel safe there, as if anything awful happens and I'm in the right place. The smell of the antiseptic and the squeak of the nurses shoes... when I was in Princess Margaret Children's Hospital in the 70s we always had "junk" for dinner on Friday night, like hot dogs or fish and chips. And every afternoon the trolley came around with icy cold Milo in a cup with a bendy straw.

Why is it that EVERY memory comes back to food?? Damn it.

The First Step Is The Trickiest

After being officially rejected by the producers of The Biggest Loser this week (my god, first time I wasn't fat enough?!) I am staring down the barrel of Plan B. Which, when you think about it, was really Plan A as attempting to lose weight competitively, against metabolically-enhanced men, on the other side of the country from my friends and family was not really a plan. Maybe a pipe dream or another crazy Gemini scheme... Either way, Plan B is here. It's now. It's like totally you.

Tuesday Sept 4 I am booked in to a seminar at Mercy Bariatrics with Jon Armstrong - who will hopefully become the man of my dreams when he pokes holes in me with a scalpel, inserts various tubes and instruments, leaving me with a dramatically reduced stomach and (hopefully) a brand new life. I really need to think about something other than food. I really need to get free of constantly wondering what my next meal, snack or binge will be. I've been hungry for my whole goddamn life and IT'S MAKING ME TIRED. I feel like a broken record... like Kramer from that episode of Seinfeld where he repeats the line from that movie over and over "these pretzels are making me thirsty!". These pretzels (chips, chocs, burgers, pizzas) are making me tired.

I have spent the better part of the last week ravenously searching the net for blogs, links, sites and references about the miracle that is the Lap Band. I've downloaded the forms to apply for early release of my superannuation to pay for the magic silicone circle, as I am not privately health covered and seriously doubt that I have 12 months to wait. The situation is drastic. And I am a person prone to exaggeration but this time I am NOT exaggerating. I am 170cm tall and weigh more than 170 kg - I don't know exactly how much as I can't find scales to weigh me. Since the age of 12 I have lost about 80 kilos and regained 150kg, my stretch marks have stretch marks and I can barely tie my shoes. Size 26s are tight and uncomfortable, and there just aren't a lot of options in sizes larger than that. I can't walk more than 500m, or climb more than 2 stairs, without puffing. I can't freaking breathe, and let's face it, breathing is kind of an essential...

I want to keep track of this journey, every step of the way, and thought I should start a blog. Just in case other people out there are contemplating the Band and are hoping to make connections, find information, etc, etc. I know it's going to be a long journey, and it will be hard some of the time. But this really is the Last Chance Saloon. So pull up a bar stool and sip a diet cordial with me...