Thursday, November 27, 2008

New Bod New Feelings

Strange fact number one - with my sleeve and weight loss has come a revamped libido lol! I've managed to reduce my anti-depressants now I'm 51kg lighter, which I think helped, but also in general I feel so much more connected to my physical being. I know I've talked about this before, the way in which I disassociated from the unhappy, heavy, unhealthy body I found myself in - and how one of the things that needed to change was my relationship with my body. I can't believe I have my mojo back (blush)... I've met an amazing, gorgeous bloke who might just be important in my life, although I'm not looking for a love match I think we all know there are other ways in which people can connect haha! I haven't felt like this since I was 21. Maybe never. I've always been so afraid to relax and inhabit my physical self, preferring to have intellectual and spiritual connections with people. That is changing my friends...

Strange fact number two - I've lost 51 kilos, right, yes I know you're sick of me going on and on about it haha. Anyway, the 51 kg of fat has left behind some unsightly scars, marks, loose skin, which is a small price to pay for the brilliant life I have without the fat. But it does make me wonder, how on earth have I ended up feeling sexy and beautiful as I do, when realistically I need a good 25 grand's worth of plastic surgery to fix up my previous overeating errors. I guess it's true what "they" say, that most of our self esteem comes from within, not from what we perceive/see in the mirror. I know I am fitter, healthier and happier than I've ever been and I suppose that projects into my behaviour and my outlook, and the end result is that I feel damn hot lol. It's all relative I guess.

I've had to come to terms over the last few weeks with my age issues. I think losing the weight, and leaving my husband, made me feel as if I'd stepped into a time machine and reverted to age 25. I've been hanging out with some 25-ish-year olds, and you know what - they were children when I started truly living an adult life. They were born during the fab 80s that I'm so fond of. They are on a different path than me, which is terrific, and I know I can still have younger friends and enjoy their company. But I have to accept that I am THIRTY EIGHT. Yes, I am single. Yes, I weigh less now than I did 10 years ago. But I can't go back. In my heart I know I wouldn't want to, even though I occasionally allow myself the luxury of wondering "what if?"

Next year is all about shedding these last 39 kilos, and starting to plan my 40th birthday plastic surgery party haha. And I know that somewhere between now and this time next year I will have worked out what it means to be Lil, Sleever, 38.

Friday, November 21, 2008

One Year Sleeved

My apologies to everyone who has emailed me and commented here -- I've been in a timeout phase, I think, not just from my blog and my online life, but from any kind of serious lifechanging decision making. I think it's called a state of flux...or limbo...although the word "limbo" always makes me think of bending under a broomstick. Suffice to say, I've been out of touch with you guys for almost six months and I'm sorry! I've been doing well, really really well. Not so much in the weight loss, although that has been ticking along nicely. But I've been getting my head straight and working hard to make sure that the next part of my life is built on strong and stable foundations.

On the 29th of October I celebrated my one year "sleeve-iversary". The previous day should have been my 8th wedding anniversary, so it was a week of highs and lows. Hubby and I are still apart, and probably will remain as such, although we maintain a close friendship and shared custody of the dog and cats. We just want and need different things from life. I have made a couple of new male-type friends, and am thinking along the lines of perhaps starting to date again, now that I've been separated for over 6 months. Nothing serious! The last thing I need is another relationship. I'm still fine-tuning the relationship I have with myself!

Work is terrific, it has sustained me mentally as well as financially. I'm in a new position within Telstra and it's more challenging and interesting and for the first time in my life I feel ambition starting to grow inside me. This from someone who has never held down a full-time 9 - 5 job before this year. I walk 3 - 6 km every day (including weekends) and have joined a ten pin bowling league, even though I've never bowled before. I would never have had the courage to do that before the surgery.

I eat everything, honestly everything!! Bread, steak, potatoes, rice, pasta - there's no problem with my digestion as long as I watch out for the FULL signal. I think since I last wrote I've only chucked up three times, and all were times when I pigged out past the point of full. I tend to stay away from carbs simply because I crave protein more, so I will eat fish or steak and salad with no potato or rice, etc. I still eat chocolate too often (I am planning an NLP aversion therapy session on that soon haha). I broke my Coke Zero habit with NLP, thanks to an amazing guy called Mark Stephens ( I went to a seminar of his recently and bought the MP4 program which is worth every single cent. Since then, my weight has started to come off quickly again. I think the last six months have been a plateau for my body to adjust to the massive changes.

So, I hear you ask, what are the facts and figures of the last six months?? Well. I'm weighing in under 120kg now, can you believe it?? I've gone from 170kg - 119kg in 13 months. I haven't weighed this little for about 15 years. Some of my measurements are down from 161 cm (hips) to 132 cm, bust down from 145 - 122 and even my calves have shrunk by 8cm each!! I was a size 28 prior to meeting Gorgeous Jon Armstrong, and now I am about a 20. In tops probably 18. I've found the weight doesn't come as quickly away from the hips and thighs - dammit!

I'm going to put some pictures here and in my piczo blog, although I don't think I look much different from the last time I blogged. I think the changes are more internal lately. I look happier, don't you think?? People keep saying I look younger, and more positive. I feel a million bucks, quite frankly. And I would recommend this journey to ANYONE. I'll try and keep in touch more now I'm back on track. I want to take time to read everyone else's blogs too and get back onto the forums. I've missed you guys xxxx