Friday, December 14, 2007

The Happpiest Time of the Year

I must admit to being a bit of a grinch. I find that the whole happy family get-together at Christmas concept was always far beyond the reach of my semi-dysfunctional mob, and inevitably someone (ie: me) would end up depressed, insulted and left out lol. The last three Christmases I worked at Myer, harbinger of retail festive obsession, and being there did actually make me feel more "festive". I found buying gifts easy - having access to specials, browsing opportunities after (and sometimes during he he) shifts, and the whole Christmas carol, decoration overload actually got me in holiday mood.

This year, having experienced a separation from retail as well as a gastric sleeve, I'm finding the leadup to Christmas is bloody hard going. One of the things I have always loved about Christmas is the food... and of course this year things are going to be completely different. My family have started planning what food items we are taking down south (going to in-laws place in SW of WA for three days), and even though I will be able to eat small amounts of most things, it's just WEIRD to think of Christmas as being a time of restriction.

Christmas was the one time when my eating habits (bingeing, sugar overload, etc) were normal, and the same as everyone else's!!!

Now, once again, I'll be the odd one out! Apart from my darling husband, his family are all thin and have no concept of morbid obesity. Everyone there knows about the surgery, thankfully, so at least I won't be hassled about why I'm suddenly 25 kilos lighter (and my plate is 5 kg lighter lol). But I'm worried about the emotional stress, given that I won't be able to medicate myself with food. Most people drink to "escape" but I hate alcohol, always have. Food has always been my drug of choice, and though I will not starve at Christmas I certainly won't be "doped up" with carb endorphins. Yikes.

Meanwhile, I am also UNEMPLOYED - not exactly the best way to celebrate the end of 2007. I know, I know, something will come up and I have turned down a couple of things as they were not right for me... but really, I am so tired of always explaining myself. Hopefully next Christmas I will - for the first time ever - fit into the "normal" range for weight, lifestyle, etc. Nah. That sounds like it'd be bloody boring, but I WOULD settle for "normal" BMI. My plan is to be at 80kg, which will give me a BMI of 26, just a snifter over "normal". I'll take that, put it on my list Santa!!

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