Monday, November 19, 2007

Things I Didn't Know...

Let's face it, I could write an entire blog about Things I Don't Know lol. But lately I've been struggling with things I didn't know, or didn't fully realise, about the gastric sleeve until I went out and got myself one! Last week was a bit of a struggle, what with returning to work and all, and I discovered something MAJOR about the T4 (my sleeved tummy). If I eat til I'm full, I just need to wait 20-30 mins and then I can eat THE SAME AMOUNT AGAIN. Maybe this was obvious to everyone, but really, I had NO IDEA. I assumed that I would stay full until the next "meal time". Man, I shoulda paid more attention in high school human biology. I discovered this quite by accident last week, when we had catered sandwiches brought into work for a training session. I LOVE our caterers - they make the best gourmet sandwiches - and before the T4 I would polish off at least four or five rounds. This time, I ate my own lunch and thought "no worries" but when I went to clear the tables in the training session there were a few sandwiches left and I started to "feel" hungry - managed to eat two half sandwiches, only about 45 mins after eating my own lunch!!!! It was downhill from there, I ate cheese and crackers in the afternoon, then dinner, then icecream before bed. Was SO disgusted with myself, and completely depressed about the fact that I have found a way to binge eat after having this surgery. I truly believed those days were over, that I wouldn't be able to fit so much food into my stomach.

OF COURSE, I realise that the gastric sleeve is only a weight loss tool, not the entire solution. But really, I hoped that willpower was a thing of the past (cause I patently DON'T HAVE ANY).

Now I am trying really really hard to stick to 3 meals a day, with a light and healthy morning and afternoon snack if I can't manage without one. Jeez, it is HARD, now I know that I can leave the rest of my meal for half an hour and then come back and finish it. Especially when it's something nice. If I over eat, I end up feeling bloated and pathetic, just like I did before the T4, except it's worse now because I also feel guilty for how much money the surgery cost, and upset that I am punishing my stomach (which has already been through so much).

Definitely need psychiatric help lol. I've been feeling like my depression medication isn't working very well, too - maybe my metabolism and hormone levels are changing or something?! I'm not suicidal or anything, truly, but I am so damn impatient, I have to remember that I only had the surgery THREE WEEKS AGO and that OF COURSE this is a long-term process and a massive lifestyle adjustment.

To add insult to injury ha ha, I weighed in on Saturday and hadn't lost a gram!!!! If that doesn't serve me right lol.

The main points I am taking away from last week are as follows:
  1. Stick to a meal plan, and immediately throw away any leftovers when I am full (the 1st time ha ha)
  2. Eat only at the table, not in front of TV
  3. I may take a while to get back to full strength, and won't pressure myself to go back to the gym or exercise if I am exhausted
  4. White bread is the debbil
  5. I didn't get to 170kg in a matter of weeks or months, so I won't get down from there quickly.
  6. The 20-something kilos I've lost are never coming back

Hope everyone's journey is going smoothly - rest assured I am back on track, and determined to have a better and brighter week.

1 comment:

Sandra D said...

ah the bumps in the road are just that, they slow you down but honestly with the momentum behind you they can't stop you form getting to your destination unless you put the breaks on!!! Keep going Lil, your achievement so far is brilliant!!