Clothes Maketh The Sleever

One of the things Dr Phil is adamant about in his Seven Keys To Weight Loss Success is that to create a no-fail environment is essential. Naturally, a lot of that pertains to not having junk food in the house, where possible, and avoiding driving home past HJs, etc. But one of the things I didn't do back in 2004 when I lost 30kg on "Dr Phil" was the wardrobe makeover. Dr Phil says that once you've lost weight, you need to chuck out everything that is too big, or too stretchy, and in fact he even says something crazy and damn near lunatic -- we shouldn't have any pants with stretchy waists?????!!!!!!!!!! I definitely get where the man is coming from, because having loose clothes makes it too easy to expand back into them. But you can tell the man is...well...a man! He obviously never suffered from monthly bloating, let alone those HORROR days when every angle shows a stomach twice as large as it was the day before. Definitely need to have SOME give in those waistbands, hey ladies?

But, all kidding aside, I get where the Doc is coming from. I didn't throw out my "fat clothes" last time, which probably saved me some money as I got to wear them again as I gradually grew to fit them again (and then grew out of them, to the extra extra large plus sizes of no return). I'm at the point now where a few things are ridiculously big on me. A couple of dresses are so baggy on the bust that I cause eyes (and nearly my own parts) to pop out when I bend over at work. And I put on a pair of jeans on the weekend, my favourite jeans I couldn't wear for a while there (size 26 was just a bit too tight when I was 170kg), and there is a stupid excess of fabric around the legs! They are big at the waist, but I was thinking I could actually buy a belt for the first time in my life ha ha! But really, the legs are so wide in comparison to my ACTUAL legs that I can hardly wear them. The extra denim rubs and rustles, making an alarming sound as well as feeling rather weird!! So here, perhaps for the final time, are my favourite jeans...
I've had them for so many years, and I don't want to buy any replacements for at least another 40kg or so. Luckily a friend has given me some of her ex-fat clothes (which are size 20, I guess it's all relative!) and I will soon be able to wear them comfortably. I think this week I need to do that closet cleanup and get rid of my size 7XL mens track pants and those gaping dresses.

It will be sad to say goodbye to those old faithful friends, but like everything in life I think you need to make room for new friends and new experiences. I cannot wait to be able to shop in "normal" shops and to have tiny clothes! There will be more room in my luggage next time I go away! I will be able to fit more in the washing machine!

But, big and heavy though you are, I'll miss you my lovely flowered, sequinned Katies 1626 jeans.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

This week has been a complete blur. Have been working overtime every day, leaving home at 5:45am and getting home at 6:15pm -- no time for anything remotely resembling exercise, fun, or keeping in touch! This week should be back to normal, with no staff shortages (fingers crossed) and damn I am looking forward to the three day weekend. Hooray for the Anzacs I say, not only contributing to the general freedom from tyranny we enjoy but also scoring me a desperately-needed day off.

My weigh in this week was fairly dismal, not as dismal as it should have been considering the medicinal Freddo Frogs (chocolate, not amphibian, for those of you in America!) I consumed in a (futile) attempt to keep my energy levels up every afternoon. I'm now 131.3kg (289 pounds) - SO CLOSE to the 40kgs (88 pounds) lost target, when I can reward myself with a new pair of running shoes (to replace the pair I am still wearing even after the heel broke apart a couple of weeks ago). I found this week that I lost the plot slightly with regards to my food plan, I had hot chips (fries) one afternoon and another day a packet of crisps (chips). My latest mantra is CHOOSE YOUR RABBITS WISELY. I read a Chinese proverb recently that said "If you try to chase more than one rabbit, both rabbits will escape", and I thought how well that relates to my weight loss journey. I am trying to get my finances back on track, and learn my new job, as well as exercise, eat properly and keep mental focus. That's a lot of damn wascally wabbits!!! Occasionally, one of them (ie: the one that is carrying the healthy food!) gets away, but I need to concentrate on the particular rabbit/task in front of me. So I guess what I am rambling on about here is that I don't need to be 100% in control of everything all the time. Phew. What a relief. That's the BEST thing about this surgery, even if I do lose the plot and eat crap, I can only eat a small amount of it (thereby limiting the damage).

I am really starting to wonder if this whole journey, my whole life maybe, is about the realisation that I can't be in control all the time. I have to learn to be happy with being kind of good at things, better at others, and sometimes I will fail at almost everything!!! That's okay, isn't it?? Doctor Phil would say DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE. I think if I can truly believe that, and live it, then I will be successful in losing this weight and keeping it off forever.

The Measuring Stick

AREA/DATE/MEASUREMENT----DATE/MEASUREMENT
Neck - Oct 4 / 39cm ---------------Apr 1 / 36cm ---(loss of 3cm)
Bust - Oct 4 / 145cm---------------Apr 1 / 129cm ---(loss of 16cm)
Waist - Oct 4 / 132cm -------------Apr 1 / 121cm ---(loss of 11cm)
Hip - Oct 4 / 161cm --------------- Apr 1 / 139cm ---(loss of 22cm)
Thigh - Oct 4 / 84cm --------------Apr 1 / 78cm ---(loss of 6cm)
Calf - Oct 4 / 64cm ----------------Apr 1 / 59cm ---(loss of 5cm)

Black Forest Cake - The New Evil

This week was my other half's birthday - April Fool's Day, can you believe it?! My mum bought a Black Forest Cake from the Cheesecake Shop, and I ate two pieces (over two days, but still!!). When adding it to my food diary I was amazed to see that not only did it have over 600 cal per piece (which The Biggest Loser had already informed me this week) it also has 40 GRAMS OF FAT! I can hardly get my head around that. I think the moral of the story is that certain things (ie: Black Forest Cake) can have no place in a health conscious life!! At least it's only once a year... I intend to have some incredibly healthy low-fat cake for my birthday in June!

No wonder my weight loss over the last two months has been pitiful. (Since Jan only 6 kg) This week I have been trying to limit my bad snack choices, which had gotten out of control since I started my new job at the beginning of Feb. I find that my three meals a day are fairly good, but I was having mini chocolate bars, or a small packet of crisps, or a full cream milk latte with two sugars. I've decided I will record here some of the things I have changed, but that I still plan on improving over the rest of the year.

In the PAST I would have had: half a family block of chocolate
In the NOW I have: one snack size Twirl or Time Out
In the FUTURE I plan on: not enjoying chocolate at all, eradicating it from my life!

In the PAST I would have had: a 24 can carton of Coke Zero per week
In the NOW I have: about 10 cans of Coke Zero a week
In the FUTURE I plan on: not having any soft drink in my diet

In the PAST I would have had: no water at all
In the NOW I have: 1 to 2 litres of water a day
In the FUTURE I plan on: drinking 3-4 litres a day

In the PAST I would have: not exercised at all
In the NOW I: do cardio or weights three times a week and walk 2-4km 5 days a week
In the FUTURE I plan on: cardio or weights 5 days a week, walking or running every day

In the PAST I would have: stayed at 170kg ++
In the NOW I have: lost an impressive 38kg
In the FUTURE I plan on: being under 100kg by my one year surgiversary in Oct

There are probably a lot more things I can add to this list. I am, after all, a work in progress! I read a quote the other day that said "It is better to move slowly than to stay in the one place", and that's how I am TRYING to look at it. I am struggling to get through the 130kg zone, it's really been up half a kilo, down half a kilo... but I am refocusing and making better choices (apart from the whole Black Forest Cake debacle ha ha!).

One of the things I have always struggled with is the need to be perfect and the crazy obsessive tendency I have to be "all or nothing". For instance, I would starve myself for two weeks and then eat something "bad" and go on a massive binge. Or I would be up and walking or cycling every day for a month and then injure myself and promptly regain all the weight I had lost. The decision to have weight loss surgery was partly to rid myself of that all or nothing ness. Even though it IS an extreme choice, it takes away my need to be perfectly healthy and virtuous all the time, even when I am slack for a day I can still lose weight. I truly feel like I am gradually becoming less hard on myself, and more relaxed, and I take each day as it comes.

Monthly Photo Update

Even after five months, I still feel ILL every time I see my pre-surgery photos. It's like a car crash, you don't want to look at the horror and nastiness but you just can't look away!!!!!

The April photos are a bit random -- we got a new camera the other day, which is very fancy with two lenses (it's a digital SLR) and my husband hasn't worked out how to zoom in yet. And also, we have moved since the last photos, and I'm still trying to find a "blank canvas" to pose in front of. I don't really have an excuse for the cat - apart from the fact that I adore her xxx

My last weigh in was 133 even - not sure if I put that in here, I am due to weigh in again in a couple of days. Have also done my monthly measurements, and I have lost 22cm from my hips (basically I just measure my widest part ha ha!).

So much more to say, and no time in which to write. I miss my old job sometimes, where I could surf the net and email and blog whenever it was quiet. I will do some more updating over the weekend. Want to send out major hugs and best wishes to my friend G from South Australia, who takes the surgical step on the 9th -- I'm making room for you on the loser's bench!

Note To Self

Next time I have weight loss surgery, I will definitely have to get it done alongside my husband and my family. Aaaargh. They just don't seem to grasp what it's like, and I'm happy for them, honestly, because it is a tough road at times. But having understanding is sooo important, and sometimes I feel sad that the true empathy and sharing I have on this journey comes from people I barely know or have never met.

I can't just sit in front of the TV and eat every night anymore. I don't want to! I need to keep busy and get stuff done, and WHY don't they get it??

Dr Phil would say you either get it or you don't. Is it ME that doesn't get it???????????????

I Shouldn't Be Alive

I know, a terribly dramatic name for a blog post. Technically, I think it's true. Had a near-death experience when I was 7 years old, as well as numerous other "close calls". But when I say I Shouldn't Be Alive I am referring in this case to my all-time favourite show. I have been re-watching them obsessively over the last few weeks, having re-discovered the dvds during the Great Move of '08. There is so much to love about the classic Discovery Channel series, which for those of you who are unfamiliar with it, chronicles true stories of survival - as told by the survivors themselves (along with dramatic re-enactments, etc). First of all, I LOVE the fact that you know people survived. I hate not knowing! I can't deal with worrying about fictional characters let alone real people, which is why I love to re-read books a hundred times I guess.

Mostly, though, with ISBA the joy is from the sheer determination and will that gets people through unimaginable pain and stress. Invariably there is a moment in every story where the people think they are being rescued but then the plane is too high, the boat goes past, the rescuer doesn't see them, etc... and at that moment there is the choice made - I'm gonna get through this. You can see it, hear it, from the survivors, that it really was a case of "darkest before the dawn", and that they could easily have laid down and given up at that point. But the people in these stories DON'T GIVE UP. If they can survive mad hippo attacks, near-drownings, starvation, frostbite and hypothermia (thankfully, those didn't all happen in the same episode - it's not the Bold & The Beautiful lol), then I am damn sure I can survive weight loss surgery!!

It's so inspiring to me, and my family think I am nuts, I just love to watch each episode. These are mostly ordinary people, though some are experienced climbers, etc. One episode was kinda counter-productive to the whole weight loss campaign. Frozen At 20,000 Feet has three British climbers on Mt McKinley, and the one who fares the best after a couple of nights exposed to the elements is the one with the highest percentage of body fat!!! That's ironic! He suffered less cause his body had more to consume I guess. But in the tradition of the happy-go-lucky, lovable chubby guy he saved his mate's life by cuddling him through the night...

I'm sure I am NOT managing to convey the messages of I Shouldn't Be Alive, or explain why I am so attached to it. Suffice to say, it's worth watching for anyone who has Foxtel or access to Bigpond Movies.

In other news, I'm managing to limit my portion sizes (which were waaaay out of control - a whole sandwich!! Gasp!) and thanks to my excellent friend Minski have a terrific idea for high protein breakfast (: Walking four ks a day, and have designed a circuit to do with my hand weights a few times a week now I am gym-less. I think that I will need to step it up for Phase Two of the VSG journey. The first 40kg has pretty well fallen off, and I think I will continue to lose if I just plod along. But would it kill me to work a little harder?? Just think, it could be worse, I could be Trapped Under The Ice or Lost In The African Bush ha ha ha...

Love and luck to all! Catch you in the next episode xxx