Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Things "They" Don't Want Us To Tell You (:

Sometimes I struggle with how honest I should be in this blog. For a start, the people reading it are often trying to make an informed decision about bariatric surgery, and I would hate to feel I had any negative influence on their opinion of the vertical sleeve gastrectomy. But I have this crazy obsession with the truth, and so I hereby tell the story of the past week...

It ain't all beer and skittles. As an aside, isn't that a bizarre saying?? I guess it means that it's not all fun & games, or it IS all fun & games until someone loses an eye (or a stomach ha ha!!). Anyway. As usual, I digress. I've been struggling this past week or so, for a number of reasons, compounded by the fact that when I weighed in on the weekend I had gained half a kilo. We are moving house on Friday, and have been in a complete upheaval trying to pack and get organised. I also have decided that being good at my new job is not enough, I have to be the best person EVER to do the job, and have started to create these crazy high standards and goals for myself which are doomed to failure. There is a vague quota of work we need to process each day, which is not enforced AT ALL, but I decided I would be the first person ever to beat a particular number -- even though I've only been doing the fricken job for five weeks.

One therapist I had years ago said he had never seen anyone with such impossibly high standards for herself as I had. Apparently it is VERY common for those kind of people (ie: me) to develop fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue, which I suffered from for a few years. I managed to get well, and have been symptom-free for almost 12 months, until this week!!!! Aaaaargh. I instantly knew what was happening, I felt exhausted and achy and my brain went foggy... the difference is, this time I know how to handle it, and I know how to fix it. For any fibro or CF sufferers out there, visit www.reversetherapy.com -- the best thing I ever found.

I guess what was interesting and frustrating was that I was so distracted by the VSG and my weight loss journey that I neglected other areas of my general health. Nuts! I can't believe I have been obsessing about my HAIR. For the rest of the week I am working on realigning myself with what's important. I am such a weirdo perfectionist high achiever. I stressed out last week because my March photos weren't "thin" looking enough to put on my blogs!! Never mind that I have lost almost 40kg (75 pounds), I was freaking out that I looked the same as the Sept 07 photo. Um, NO! Every time I stressed out about something stupid I ate crap - a Mars Bar here, potato chips there. No wonder I gained weight!

So I guess I want to emphasise that while none of this craziness has anything to do with the removal of 75% of my stomach in Oct 07, it certainly needs to be recorded. The rest of my life is not miraculously shiny and happy, even though it's a damn sight better than this time last year. I need to keep an eye on the ball otherwise it'll smack me in the face and THEN I'll have some complaining to do lol.

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