Weigh In, Rewards & Challenges

This morning my official weigh in puts me at 148.9kg, meaning that I am 6.1kg lighter than the day of my surgery and 21.1kg lighter than the day I decided to have weight loss surgery (and started on Optifast). I'm stoked with the results, especially after watching the Biggest Loser last night and realising that even those people are working their asses off, statistically they have little chance of keeping the weight off. I felt sad for them, and relieved that I was rejected by the Australian producers - I decided in August that I would either be on the Biggest Loser or have weight loss surgery, and you all know how that turned out (: Turns out to be the happiest rejection of my life!! I don't have to cry and sweat on national television, I don't need to spend 8 hours a day in the gym, and I am guaranteed to permanently change my eating habits. Woo hoo! Even if I get cranky, or hormonal, or bored with the process of losing weight, I can NEVER go off this "diet" because it really is a lifestyle change. I am thinking of renaming my lap sleeve surgery WEIGHT LOSS FOR DUMMIES lol.

On a more serious note, I have set some rewards and challenges for each milestone I reach. Thought I may as well record them here. These are the rewards for each major loss:

• 20kg loss -- buy a new blender (DONE last week - yippee!)
• 30kg loss -- family trip to Rottnest Island
• 40kg loss -- buy new running shoes in Jan/Feb sales
• 50kg loss -- Easter 2008 trip to Exmouth
• 60kg loss -- Buy a bicycle
• 70kg loss -- November 2008 trip around the world
• Anything extra to get me under 100kg is a bonus, I want to get a scooter but hubby says too dangerous!

Then I have set myself some challenges for once I reach each milestone:

• 20kg loss - practise bending over and pedicure my toenails lol
• 30kg loss - ride a bike on our trip to Rottnest
• 40kg loss - start jogging/shuffling during my walks
• 50kg loss - swim/dive with whale sharks and manta rays at Exmouth
• 60kg loss - join a dance class
• 70kg loss - sit in my economy class plane seat and be relatively comfortable, without a seatbelt extender!

My Latest Meal

I have had two food victories over the last 24 hours - hooray! Thursday is traditionally my family's takeaway night, and over the last 2 months I've just missed out, having Optifast etc. This time, I thought I'd give it a go and ordered a small popcorn chicken from KFC and a potato and gravy. Blended the chicken up and stirred in the potato - yum! It went down beautifully, and more importantly stayed down lol!! I only ate about 1/4 of the small box of chicken, but I felt like I wasn't missing out.

Then for lunch I thought I would try pasta, which I have been missing over the last two and a half months...boiled up about 20 beef ravioli and then stirred in some pasta sauce and grated some parmesan over it. Awesome. So so yummy, and had not trouble eating it. Hooray! I am feeling like I'm returning to a kind of normality with my eating after being "out-of-the-loop" for so long. I think that doing 8 weeks Optifast before the procedure was over-ambitious, even though it kick started my weightloss and made sure my liver was less fatty for the operation. It also meant the liquid phase wasn't so terrible, as I was used to shakes, etc. But really, 10 weeks without an ordinary meal, and without chewing anything except salad, is TOO LONG. My surgeon told me it would be ha ha! Hate it when they are right lol.

Grief, Part Two

In a previous post I touched on the feeling of loss and grief I have as my new life unfolds - a life without the old faithful friend food/binge eating. Yesterday has really been an important lesson for me, not only about taking it easy with introducing foods to the T4.

For many years I have had a tradition of going solo to the movies, then buying a magazine and pigging out at the local foodhall. I never really noticed this tradition until today, when I analysed the circumstances leading up to my horrifying public puke... Even when I was a poor student I would go into town on Austudy payday and have nachos, or McDonalds (or both...cringe) and happily read my gossip mag. I can't do that anymore, not in the same unthinking way. I've come to realise that nothing will be so unplanned and unconscious in my life, not for a long time, maybe never. And that's okay.

I really got teary today thinking about this massive part of my life, sad though it sounds, being gone forever. I know, I know, I can do the movie and the shops and even catch a tiny bite to eat, but you and I both know it's not the same. So MANY things are not the same. And it justs makes me a little melancholy. I've prayed and wished for such a long time to be free of my addictive behaviour towards food, and you know what they say "Be careful what you wish for?!"

I still think this operation is the best thing I ever did, even as I drink yet another Up & Go and struggle with a general lack of protein. Today my throat is killing me, I'm exhausted and a tad bereft, but I guarantee you my relationship with hot chips has changed permanently and for the better lol.

What I Like To Call The "T4 Rebellion"

I'm well known for calling my gastric sleeve the Teeny Tiny Tummy Tube. AKA T4. Today, T4 well and truly got one up on me - I actually vomited in public for the first time EVER! Aaaargh. Not nice. I was supposed to catch up with a friend, who cancelled due to being seriously unwell, and rather than just stay home I thought I would go to the movies. No problems there, saw a movie, drank my water, browsed around the shops. THEN, foolish girl that I am, I decided to try something to eat from the foodhall...

Note to self: Hot chips from Nandos are NOT the same as watered down mushy mashed potatoes.

Exactly six chips later I felt an alarming agony in my chest region and knew the gig was up. Scarpered from Nandos, leaving the rest of my lovely chips, and started heading for the bus stop. Walk a few steps groaning, vomit. Walk a few steps burping, vomit. Walk a few steps saying "This is NOT a $%#^ joke, you are a $%#& idiot", smile apologetically at the nice man skirting my latest pile o' bile. Managed to get on the bus and travel without throwing up (thank you Lord), once off the bus I totally lost what was left in my stomach, in the process taking off a layer of my throat inside. Then had to walk 1.5km home. Slowly. Still burping and cursing but otherwise okay.

I am so annoyed with myself for getting complacent, second-guessing the experiences of other sleevers and banders, and thinking that the worst was over. For crying out loud, Lil - get with the program. This is a tool, not a solution. This is a weight loss surgery not a body re-invention.

My new mantra - slow and mushy wins the race.

In Local News

So, yesterday I was inducted into the sleeve gastrectomy Hall of Fame. By that, I mean I suffered from my first honorary excrutiating piercingly painful moment of indigestion - and MAN, you blokes weren't kidding when you said it sucked. OW. I had cruised along for almost a week, feeling slightly virtuous and fab, wondering what the big deal was about indigestion. Last night I faithfully mashed up my delicious fish and vegies, ignoring the potato and garlic stiry fry the other folk were enjoying with their fish...until the cockiness overcame me and I reached for two tiny cubes of the potato. Mistake. Big mistake. Although I tried to chew them to mush, those two cubes of potato got stuck in my chest and brought tears to my eyes - thank God for Degas. I had to leave the table and walk around the back garden til the pain subsided.

Let that be a lesson to me!! Do not be greedy, do not attempt too much too soon, and do not eat anything that hasn't been put in front of me!

The Pureed Life

Today I am still on Cloud Nine, and you know what the problem is with clouds...they're kinda flimsy and there's a looooong way to fall off them lol. I struggle with the dark thoughts that say "this is all too easy, something's gonna go wrong, any minute now you'll find yourself throwing up...what if, what if, what if..."

It goes to show that the main struggle in this journey, as we all know too darn well, is with the stuff we have in our head, NOT the stuff we put in our tummies. But the main benefit to this surgery is that I can focus my energy on the junk food swimming around my head now I am not consumed with forcing junk food down my gob!! I remember saying to Gorgeous Jon at the beginning that I wanted to know for sure, 100%, that my body was NOT HUNGRY, that it was my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit that needed the nourishment. It makes everything clearer.

I had a chai tea and a mashed banana for breakfast and then made myself a mango lassi for lunch. Lassi is just a fancy showy-offy world traveller way to say smoothy ha ha!! In India, of course, the Lassis come with hmmm, shall we say herbal enhancements??!! Definitely none of that in mine, I have enough problems dealing with reality thank you very much!

Went to the markets and bought some red emperor fish for everyone for dinner, which I think we will do on the barbecue. I have some mashed vegies left from yesterday so I'm planning to mash up some of the fish and have it with the vegies for my dinner. Man, I am craving savouries something chronic...I have always been more of a savoury eater, not a chocoholic or sweet freak. Give me pizza, burgers, chips... I have to say, I'm thrilled to have a healthier style of eating but one of these days I will order a teeny tiny cheeseburger meal and put it happily into my teeny tiny tummy tube! Well...half of it anyway!!

Weigh In & Measure

This morning my weight is 154kg, meaning I've lost 2 kg since I went into surgery. How much does a stomach weigh anyway?? Probably 500g or so, meaning the rest is fat loss - hooray! I am feeling AMAZING, I still can't get used to the fact that the amounts of food I consume are so tiny... I'm focusing on eating and drinking really slowly, tiny amounts at a time, and I stop as soon as I start to feel full. Then sometimes I will try a little more, and other times I stop. I haven't felt nauseous at all, and no heartburn or indigestion - which could be the Somac they prescribed me at the hospital. My dressings have started to come off, and the wounds seem to be healing fine - the drainage site is a bit red and inflamed but my mom the ex-nurse says it's all good.

Did my measurements today for calorieking.com.au and thought I would record them here also.
AREA/DATE/MEASUREMENT----DATE/MEASUREMENT
Neck - Oct 4 / 39cm ----Nov 3 / 37cm (loss of 2cm)
Bust - Oct 4 / 145cm----Nov 3 / 144cm (loss of 1cm)
Waist - Oct 4 / 132cm ----Nov 3 / 130cm (loss of 2cm)
Hip - Oct 4 / 161cm ---- Nov 4 / 159cm (loss of 2cm)
Thigh - Oct 4 / 84cm ---Nov 4 / 84cm (same)
Calf - Oct 4 / 64cm -----Nov 4 / 62.5cm (loss of 1.5cm)