Monday

This morning I weighed in at an even 140kg. When I started I was almost 144kg so I'm counting that as almost 4kg lost in just over a week! Go me!!

I had two stressful moments on Saturday, both of which I navigated without eating crap. I did, however, binge - on four cruskits with low fat cheese slices. The calories were negligent but I was very conscious of, and annoyed at, the way I gorged them. I was stressed out over a visit we'd had with Neil's mum (who is so negative and depressed, and her energy always affects me and makes me feel low). During the visit we took her McDonalds for lunch, and I had a garden salad. I had to watch Neil and his mum eat cheeseburgers, nuggets and fries! I was so proud of myself, and really didn't miss the junk food that much. Except for the emotionally calming effect it may have had on me for a few minutes.

I am trying hard to eat more slowly and mindfully. To chew my food properly, and enjoy the taste and the sensation of eating. My nightly salad or vegetables are wonderful, I really look forward to them after shakes or bars all day.

I see my weight loss surgeon this afternoon for the first time in about three years. I want to update him with my progress, or lack thereof, and talk to him about maybe getting revision surgery next year. I'm hoping it won't be necessary, and that I will be able to shrink my sleeve/stomach back to its small size and make some better food choices, as well as get my binge eating under control. But if my current plan doesn't work, I want to know what my options are. I read that in the US some doctors are re-sizing people's sleeves via endoscopy, so you don't even need to have keyhole surgery. I guess the fact that this, and other revisions, are occuring, mean I am not the only person to stuff up their sleeves and not lose the weight. Which does make me feel better.

Currently, this is the status:
800 calories a day (3 x meal replacement shakes, bars, soups or puddings plus two cups of vegies plus the occasional non-wheat cracker and cheese)
At least 8 cups of water a day
30 mins easy walking a day (to and from the bus stop, so I have to do it!)

A Pinch & A Punch

Oh my goodness, it's October already. Wow. I may as well start an official countdown to my surgery - 28 sleeps to go woo hoo!!!!!

I am having some issues at work, trying to decide if it's the right job, right workplace for me... but this weekend I have realised that now is not the time to make that kind of a change. So, if possible, I will hang in there until Christmas and then re-address the situation. There are a lot of benefits to my job right now:

1. I like a lot of what I do (publications, admin)
2. Mostly, I get on well with my colleagues
3. They are fine with me having 2 weeks sick leave for my operation & recovery
4. My clinic and hospital are just down the road from work
5. I travel 3 hours a day on public transport, which I intend to start using positively, working on some inner-health stuff (meditation, etc) to help in my recovery
6. It's a sedentary job so I will hopefully be able to return to work sooner after surgery

I suppose the bottom line, as with many things, is my attitude. Not having food to "medicate" my emotions with over the last three weeks has made my stress and moods seem SO much worse. The job hasn't changed, or my workplace - just me. And that's okay. This is a massive life-altering thing I am doing, and there's bound to be a period of adjustment.

So my plan for the month is to keep my head down and focused on my work, ignoring petty crap, making sure I am as well-prepared as possible for the 29th of October. Started making a shopping list for the time I will be admitted and the recovery time at home, and joined Bigpond Movies so I can order some DVDs to keep me entertained! I am kind of looking forward to the "ME TIME" he he he.