This morning I weighed in at an even 140kg. When I started I was almost 144kg so I'm counting that as almost 4kg lost in just over a week! Go me!!
I had two stressful moments on Saturday, both of which I navigated without eating crap. I did, however, binge - on four cruskits with low fat cheese slices. The calories were negligent but I was very conscious of, and annoyed at, the way I gorged them. I was stressed out over a visit we'd had with Neil's mum (who is so negative and depressed, and her energy always affects me and makes me feel low). During the visit we took her McDonalds for lunch, and I had a garden salad. I had to watch Neil and his mum eat cheeseburgers, nuggets and fries! I was so proud of myself, and really didn't miss the junk food that much. Except for the emotionally calming effect it may have had on me for a few minutes.
I am trying hard to eat more slowly and mindfully. To chew my food properly, and enjoy the taste and the sensation of eating. My nightly salad or vegetables are wonderful, I really look forward to them after shakes or bars all day.
I see my weight loss surgeon this afternoon for the first time in about three years. I want to update him with my progress, or lack thereof, and talk to him about maybe getting revision surgery next year. I'm hoping it won't be necessary, and that I will be able to shrink my sleeve/stomach back to its small size and make some better food choices, as well as get my binge eating under control. But if my current plan doesn't work, I want to know what my options are. I read that in the US some doctors are re-sizing people's sleeves via endoscopy, so you don't even need to have keyhole surgery. I guess the fact that this, and other revisions, are occuring, mean I am not the only person to stuff up their sleeves and not lose the weight. Which does make me feel better.
Currently, this is the status:
800 calories a day (3 x meal replacement shakes, bars, soups or puddings plus two cups of vegies plus the occasional non-wheat cracker and cheese)
At least 8 cups of water a day
30 mins easy walking a day (to and from the bus stop, so I have to do it!)
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, May 8, 2009
Battle Of The Bulge
This morning I joined a 20 week challenge at my gym. The brilliant and stellar owner, Pat, called me the other day to tell me about it, as she knew my motivation had been seriously lacking. I hadn't been to the gym for about 6 weeks, and my depression had been so bad that most days I couldn't even get out of bed to shower. Things have started to turn around, and get better, so I decided to take up the challenge.
There are some lovely people in the group, who will meet once a week to compare food plans, exercise, successes, and the gym girls have taken measurements and weights.
FYI, I weighed in at (gulp) 123.5kg (271 pounds).
I am officially 5 kilos heavier than the beginning of the year, before my breakdown. Which is okay. I have made peace with it, and it's a lot less than I would have regained before I had the surgery. I guess I need to accept responsibility now, the smaller stomach basically lost the first 45kg, now I have to apply common sense and restraint to lose the rest. Gorgeous Jon, my surgeon, called me the other day and left a message asking to come in and see him so we can keep track. I have been avoiding seeing him, I am so conflicted now about the surgery and how easy it is to have it done (without psych evaluations, etc). I still think it's a terrific thing, and worth doing, but I do think there should be more support - especially as I was already diagnosed with depression and had serious binge eating issues.
I guess people will say I should have reached out and asked for help before I hit the point of having a breakdown. But the illness is deceptive, and I was on a high seeing such great results. I think I got carried away with the compliments and the fact that I looked better and could buy nice clothes. Shallow!! Now I am dealing with the reality that although I am 45kg lighter, and a lot healthier and fitter, my life is still empty and I am still suffering from image problems and sadness. I'm glad to have finally received a diagnosis, though, because I always knew my behaviour was "out there". I know what's "wrong" with me, and even better I know how to fix it (or at least manage it).
I had a great workout this morning, I have missed going to the gym! I have a new job starting next week, which is Tues, Wed and Friday, so am hoping to get to the gym at least twice a week. I need to establish a new routine, but not overdo it. My other problem, which is something the gastric sleeve couldn't fix, is snacking between meals. Totally out of control. I'm hoping that working again, and being busy, will help me forget about food a little haha!
Probably I should set some goals for the 20 Week Challenge (which is called The Battle of The Bulge, hence the title of this post). I don't want to focus on numbers, but getting back down to 118kg would be nice, which is where I was before my mental episode! I will work out some other fitness goals and post them here.
There are some lovely people in the group, who will meet once a week to compare food plans, exercise, successes, and the gym girls have taken measurements and weights.
FYI, I weighed in at (gulp) 123.5kg (271 pounds).
I am officially 5 kilos heavier than the beginning of the year, before my breakdown. Which is okay. I have made peace with it, and it's a lot less than I would have regained before I had the surgery. I guess I need to accept responsibility now, the smaller stomach basically lost the first 45kg, now I have to apply common sense and restraint to lose the rest. Gorgeous Jon, my surgeon, called me the other day and left a message asking to come in and see him so we can keep track. I have been avoiding seeing him, I am so conflicted now about the surgery and how easy it is to have it done (without psych evaluations, etc). I still think it's a terrific thing, and worth doing, but I do think there should be more support - especially as I was already diagnosed with depression and had serious binge eating issues.
I guess people will say I should have reached out and asked for help before I hit the point of having a breakdown. But the illness is deceptive, and I was on a high seeing such great results. I think I got carried away with the compliments and the fact that I looked better and could buy nice clothes. Shallow!! Now I am dealing with the reality that although I am 45kg lighter, and a lot healthier and fitter, my life is still empty and I am still suffering from image problems and sadness. I'm glad to have finally received a diagnosis, though, because I always knew my behaviour was "out there". I know what's "wrong" with me, and even better I know how to fix it (or at least manage it).
I had a great workout this morning, I have missed going to the gym! I have a new job starting next week, which is Tues, Wed and Friday, so am hoping to get to the gym at least twice a week. I need to establish a new routine, but not overdo it. My other problem, which is something the gastric sleeve couldn't fix, is snacking between meals. Totally out of control. I'm hoping that working again, and being busy, will help me forget about food a little haha!
Probably I should set some goals for the 20 Week Challenge (which is called The Battle of The Bulge, hence the title of this post). I don't want to focus on numbers, but getting back down to 118kg would be nice, which is where I was before my mental episode! I will work out some other fitness goals and post them here.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Binge Eating Vs Mindfulness -- SMACKDOWN
Awareness of the moment is when change can begin
www.tcme.org
My new weapon in the war against regaining the weight - Mindfulness. Interestingly enough, the concept of mindfulness is a huge part of the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I'm learning in order to help deal with my psychiatric illness. In one of those rare moments of synchronicity, it turns out that my impulsive behaviour (binge eating) is connected to my illness (BPD), as well as being one of the causes of my weight problem. The good news there is that one weapon can do double duty and (hopefully) kick both these issues in the ass. Mindfulness is one of those simple concepts which could fix most of my problems... basically I just need to slow down and examine each moment, thought, feeling, urge, impulse, emotion. Rather than eat, emote or act as soon as the urge strikes me, I need to take time to decide on the truth and validity of the desires. Am I really hungry? Is this the "best" food choice for me? Dr Phil's Weight Loss Challenge states it similarly by putting thoughts through the Four Questions: Is my internal dialogue true? Does it serve my best interests? Does it advance and protect my health? Is it helping me achieve my weight management goals?
It seems simple and trite, but I know it works. It's just a matter of adding that extra step or two to my thought patterns, an extra step I think most people are born with or learn as children. I consider my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to be training myself to audit or interpret things and installing a new filter/interpreter. After all these years of living in the moment (or even a step AHEAD of the moment, crazily enough) it's tricky to slow down and think about things analytically before acting/eating. With eating, so much of it is habit -- I always prefer eating in front of the TV or while reading, which is definitely NOT being mindful. Eating at the table with my family has just become an agony...which I try and get over as soon as possible, again NOT the way to be mindful of how and what I am eating. I'm going to eat in my room at my desk, or outside on the patio, in an effort to retrain myself. I just CANNOT learn to eat slowly and mindfully with the loons I call my family staring at me!!
I've found a couple of great Mindful Eating websites which will help me learn better habits. Understandably, my shrinks are more focused on other areas of CBT at the moment, but there's no reason I can't apply basic mindfulness techniques to my everyday eating. I am trying not to become extreme in my views about what I can/can't/shouldn't eat... for obvious reasons. I have also decided to not worry about my actual numerical weight for a while, as long as I stay under 125kg. There is a long road ahead, and being well and stable is a more important goal than being "X" kg. I'm going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, and doing my best to avoid junk food. The rest of it will come later.
www.tcme.org
www.mindfuleating.org
www.amihungry.com
www.eatingmindfully.com
www.tcme.org
My new weapon in the war against regaining the weight - Mindfulness. Interestingly enough, the concept of mindfulness is a huge part of the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy I'm learning in order to help deal with my psychiatric illness. In one of those rare moments of synchronicity, it turns out that my impulsive behaviour (binge eating) is connected to my illness (BPD), as well as being one of the causes of my weight problem. The good news there is that one weapon can do double duty and (hopefully) kick both these issues in the ass. Mindfulness is one of those simple concepts which could fix most of my problems... basically I just need to slow down and examine each moment, thought, feeling, urge, impulse, emotion. Rather than eat, emote or act as soon as the urge strikes me, I need to take time to decide on the truth and validity of the desires. Am I really hungry? Is this the "best" food choice for me? Dr Phil's Weight Loss Challenge states it similarly by putting thoughts through the Four Questions: Is my internal dialogue true? Does it serve my best interests? Does it advance and protect my health? Is it helping me achieve my weight management goals?
It seems simple and trite, but I know it works. It's just a matter of adding that extra step or two to my thought patterns, an extra step I think most people are born with or learn as children. I consider my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to be training myself to audit or interpret things and installing a new filter/interpreter. After all these years of living in the moment (or even a step AHEAD of the moment, crazily enough) it's tricky to slow down and think about things analytically before acting/eating. With eating, so much of it is habit -- I always prefer eating in front of the TV or while reading, which is definitely NOT being mindful. Eating at the table with my family has just become an agony...which I try and get over as soon as possible, again NOT the way to be mindful of how and what I am eating. I'm going to eat in my room at my desk, or outside on the patio, in an effort to retrain myself. I just CANNOT learn to eat slowly and mindfully with the loons I call my family staring at me!!
I've found a couple of great Mindful Eating websites which will help me learn better habits. Understandably, my shrinks are more focused on other areas of CBT at the moment, but there's no reason I can't apply basic mindfulness techniques to my everyday eating. I am trying not to become extreme in my views about what I can/can't/shouldn't eat... for obvious reasons. I have also decided to not worry about my actual numerical weight for a while, as long as I stay under 125kg. There is a long road ahead, and being well and stable is a more important goal than being "X" kg. I'm going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, and doing my best to avoid junk food. The rest of it will come later.
www.tcme.org
www.mindfuleating.org
www.amihungry.com
www.eatingmindfully.com
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Week That Was
Weigh in day, and thankfully I have lost most of the weight I've put on so far in 2009. (Note to self - Breakdowns wreak havoc on healthy eating plans). I'm just over 119kg, after weighing in at 122.8 halfway through January. Yikes.
My new plan is going well, have been on annual leave so the real test will be going back to work on Tuesday. To say I'm dreading it would be an understatement...the social pressure is more of a problem than the actual work, which I love and am good at. But the bitchiness, cliques and net-bullying (via Facebook etc) is hard to deal with. I feel like I am 15 again, and on the outside looking in, which is weird and depressing. It's been a test of the "new me". I've had to change my antidepressant medication, after 5 years of it working it suddenly stopped, which may or may not be due to extreme weightloss and or hormonal changes. My new medication seems to have levelled things out again, and I have a new psychiatrist who is awesome. I think that there are a lot of things I haven't dealt with since my sleeve and my new life path... such a lot of image and self-esteem issues, and the whole marriage breakdown and having to be single for the first time in 10 years. My psychiatrist thinks that "simple" (haha) depression is not the correct diagnosis for me, and I am scheduled for a 2 week Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy course later in the year. The outlook for my particular "mentalness" (lol) is often bleak, but my psych (Ian) says I have a lot of things on my side, and I am willing to work hard to get well.
Interestingly enough, one of the side effects or "co-morbidities" with my illness is BINGE EATING!!!! Weird. I said to Ian, "Man, I miss binge eating, I really miss it like an alcoholic must miss drinking"... because even though I make poor choices sometimes with food, I physically am unable to truly binge on food. Which is a GREAT thing, don't get me wrong!! But sometimes I remember the comfort (short-lived though it was) that I got from an entire pizza and a block of chocolate and I feel sad, I do, even though I know it's stupid.
On the factual side of the journey -- I've been going to the gym three times a week, and made a pact with myself that for every hour I watch TV I have to do 15 mins of crunches, leg lifts, pushups, etc. Trying to stay under 1300 calories each day, around 20-30g of fat. I've also been walking 2-3 km a day, thankfully we've had a few cooler days here.
My new plan is going well, have been on annual leave so the real test will be going back to work on Tuesday. To say I'm dreading it would be an understatement...the social pressure is more of a problem than the actual work, which I love and am good at. But the bitchiness, cliques and net-bullying (via Facebook etc) is hard to deal with. I feel like I am 15 again, and on the outside looking in, which is weird and depressing. It's been a test of the "new me". I've had to change my antidepressant medication, after 5 years of it working it suddenly stopped, which may or may not be due to extreme weightloss and or hormonal changes. My new medication seems to have levelled things out again, and I have a new psychiatrist who is awesome. I think that there are a lot of things I haven't dealt with since my sleeve and my new life path... such a lot of image and self-esteem issues, and the whole marriage breakdown and having to be single for the first time in 10 years. My psychiatrist thinks that "simple" (haha) depression is not the correct diagnosis for me, and I am scheduled for a 2 week Cognitive-Behaviour-Therapy course later in the year. The outlook for my particular "mentalness" (lol) is often bleak, but my psych (Ian) says I have a lot of things on my side, and I am willing to work hard to get well.
Interestingly enough, one of the side effects or "co-morbidities" with my illness is BINGE EATING!!!! Weird. I said to Ian, "Man, I miss binge eating, I really miss it like an alcoholic must miss drinking"... because even though I make poor choices sometimes with food, I physically am unable to truly binge on food. Which is a GREAT thing, don't get me wrong!! But sometimes I remember the comfort (short-lived though it was) that I got from an entire pizza and a block of chocolate and I feel sad, I do, even though I know it's stupid.
On the factual side of the journey -- I've been going to the gym three times a week, and made a pact with myself that for every hour I watch TV I have to do 15 mins of crunches, leg lifts, pushups, etc. Trying to stay under 1300 calories each day, around 20-30g of fat. I've also been walking 2-3 km a day, thankfully we've had a few cooler days here.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Not For The Weak of Stomach or Faint of Heart
***PLEASE BE WARNED, IF YOU ARE EATING OR HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS POST HAHAHAHAHA***
I was reading Gillian McKeith's book "You Are What You Eat" yesterday, based on her TV show, and she recommended colonic irrigation, especially for people with poor digestion. My mum and I had been talking about getting colonics for ages, as some friends are addicted to them and say they are the only way to get properly "flushed out". So mum and I were lucky enough to get appointments this morning, and had the colonic...AMAZING experience, though not for the faint hearted hahahaha! Our practitioner uses something called the "LIBBE" procedure/machine, and it's kind of DIY, so there's not someone in the room with you all the time, lessens the embarrassment I guess. Anyhoo, you don't need more detail I'm sure, but the stuff that came out after 30 mins or so was terrifying and mesmerising - like a car crash, I didn't want to look but couldn't look away!!! Better out than in as my nanna would say! One of the benefits, as noted in Gillian's book, is that after the clean out you really do think twice about what you are putting in there!! We'll see how long it lasts. Also, I was 2kg lighter afterwards (which was good as I had put on 2kg in the last 2 weeks!).
I did the food shopping this morning and made some healthy choices, hooray, and am looking forward to snacking on plums, peaches, hommus and vegies, lowfat cheese and ham rollups (a Weight Watchers favourite snack) and the occasional orange jelly snake! For dinner we had chilli con carne, made with heart smart beef mince and carrot, onion, tomato, beans, with a tbsp of light sour cream it was about 300cal. Filling and yummy.
I was reading Gillian McKeith's book "You Are What You Eat" yesterday, based on her TV show, and she recommended colonic irrigation, especially for people with poor digestion. My mum and I had been talking about getting colonics for ages, as some friends are addicted to them and say they are the only way to get properly "flushed out". So mum and I were lucky enough to get appointments this morning, and had the colonic...AMAZING experience, though not for the faint hearted hahahaha! Our practitioner uses something called the "LIBBE" procedure/machine, and it's kind of DIY, so there's not someone in the room with you all the time, lessens the embarrassment I guess. Anyhoo, you don't need more detail I'm sure, but the stuff that came out after 30 mins or so was terrifying and mesmerising - like a car crash, I didn't want to look but couldn't look away!!! Better out than in as my nanna would say! One of the benefits, as noted in Gillian's book, is that after the clean out you really do think twice about what you are putting in there!! We'll see how long it lasts. Also, I was 2kg lighter afterwards (which was good as I had put on 2kg in the last 2 weeks!).
I did the food shopping this morning and made some healthy choices, hooray, and am looking forward to snacking on plums, peaches, hommus and vegies, lowfat cheese and ham rollups (a Weight Watchers favourite snack) and the occasional orange jelly snake! For dinner we had chilli con carne, made with heart smart beef mince and carrot, onion, tomato, beans, with a tbsp of light sour cream it was about 300cal. Filling and yummy.
Monday, June 30, 2008
How To Sabotage A Sleeve - A Cautionary Tale
Breakfast: Bacon & egg muffin
Snack: Mars Bar & Coke
Lunch: Nachos
Snack: Salt & Vinegar chips
Dinner: 4 slices of pizza and 2 pieces of garlic bread (spread out over an hour or so)
Snack: 2 pieces of cake
The above is not a typical day's eating for me, thank heaven, but it could be. These are all things I can eat comfortably (mostly) and eating them last week resulted in my gaining half a kilo. It serves me right ha ha! I know better than that, and although I have many excuses I know that I have to get back on track and start limiting myself again. The minute things get difficult or stressful for me I want to turn to food as a comfort, even in the small doses I can consume now that is a TERRIBLE idea. Not only will it stop or at least slow down my weight loss, it's nutritional suicide ha ha.
I'm sorry I have been out of the loop for a while. Not much has changed, I think I am starting to adjust to non-married life even though I sometimes feel like I have had a limb amputated. Ten years is a long time to have someone in your corner, I really miss it even though I know everything is happening as it should, for a reason, etc, etc.
I am discovering a transferred addiction - clothes shopping! Lately I've spent bucketloads on new clothes, jewellery, getting my hair done...which is out of character for the person I've been over the last ten years. I think being married I became complacent about those kinds of things, and also as I gained more weight I only survived by thinking of myself as invisible. I never really thought about my appearance, and pretended it was that I was happy with how I looked, when in fact it was the exact opposite. I think I considered myself as non-existent in a physical sense... because I was so out of touch with my body and my image. 50 kilos has made a big difference, even though I am still obese and have another 50kg or so to lose. Shopping for size 20-22 is a hell of a lot easier than trying to squeeze into a stretchy size 26. I actually have to put things back on the rack that are too big!!!!!!!!! Bizarre. But nice!
Snack: Mars Bar & Coke
Lunch: Nachos
Snack: Salt & Vinegar chips
Dinner: 4 slices of pizza and 2 pieces of garlic bread (spread out over an hour or so)
Snack: 2 pieces of cake
The above is not a typical day's eating for me, thank heaven, but it could be. These are all things I can eat comfortably (mostly) and eating them last week resulted in my gaining half a kilo. It serves me right ha ha! I know better than that, and although I have many excuses I know that I have to get back on track and start limiting myself again. The minute things get difficult or stressful for me I want to turn to food as a comfort, even in the small doses I can consume now that is a TERRIBLE idea. Not only will it stop or at least slow down my weight loss, it's nutritional suicide ha ha.
I'm sorry I have been out of the loop for a while. Not much has changed, I think I am starting to adjust to non-married life even though I sometimes feel like I have had a limb amputated. Ten years is a long time to have someone in your corner, I really miss it even though I know everything is happening as it should, for a reason, etc, etc.
I am discovering a transferred addiction - clothes shopping! Lately I've spent bucketloads on new clothes, jewellery, getting my hair done...which is out of character for the person I've been over the last ten years. I think being married I became complacent about those kinds of things, and also as I gained more weight I only survived by thinking of myself as invisible. I never really thought about my appearance, and pretended it was that I was happy with how I looked, when in fact it was the exact opposite. I think I considered myself as non-existent in a physical sense... because I was so out of touch with my body and my image. 50 kilos has made a big difference, even though I am still obese and have another 50kg or so to lose. Shopping for size 20-22 is a hell of a lot easier than trying to squeeze into a stretchy size 26. I actually have to put things back on the rack that are too big!!!!!!!!! Bizarre. But nice!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Six Months On...
WEIGH IN NEWS...This week I FINALLY got under the 130kg mark, and weighed in at 129.5kg. Hallelujah!!!
It's now been just over six months since my lap sleeve surgery, and although it sometimes seems like only yesterday that I was 170kg (375 pounds), I really am comfortable now with the "new me". I had a slight miscalculation with my eating this week and threw up the extra mouthful (the old "one bite too many" trick, ugh) but I hardly ever have problems with my food these days. The adjustments that are still ahead of me are mostly mental and emotional... my body has adjusted well to my T4 (Teeny Tiny Tummy Tube), but I still struggle with my Fat Chick thinking. I don't get physical hunger pangs anymore, but the emotional hunger is as strong as ever on my "bad days" - I guess the main benefit is that I can only do a small amount of "damage" through my emotional eating. Instead of eating a family block of chocolate when I’m feeling hormonally challenged, I now eat 2 or 3 small chocolates (snack size). And really, that doesn’t happen a lot. I think as I get further along my new path in life those kind of hiccups will get rarer, as long as I keep working on the mental side of this weight removal thing!
For anyone interested in the finer details, I thought I would record my average daily food intake. I don’t really count calories or carbs or what-have-you, not at this point. I still have half my excess weight to lose, so I imagine I will have to get stricter further down the line. At this point, however, I am lucky enough to just be able to eat whatever I want (within reason!).
BREAKFAST: ¼ cup Bircher muesli with lowfat vanilla yoghurt, OR poached egg on whole grain toast OR Optifast shake
SNACK: Skim milk latte, low fat muffin OR banana OR Bounce Protein Ball
LUNCH: Ham, cheese and salad sandwich on rye bread, OR tuna sushi (6 pieces), OR small nachos, OR cup of vegie soup
SNACK: Coke Zero, ½ cup of popcorn OR potato chips OR cashew/pistachio nuts OR small chocolate bar
DINNER: Palm size piece of steak/chicken/salmon with salad or vegies. I don’t eat potato or pasta or rice. Once a week I have takeaway, usually half a chicken kebab/yiros or a piece of KFC with mashed potato and once a fortnight I have homemade pizza (and then freeze the leftovers to have for lunch, etc. Three small pieces per serve).
SUPPER: Occasionally I will have some fruit or nuts in the evening but I try not to eat after 7pm.
WATER: Most days I have two 600ml bottles of water throughout the day, I am hoping to increase this now I am doing more high intensity exercise.
EXERCISE: Five days a week I walk 4km at a fairly good pace; twice a week I do cardio workout video, I start Pilates classes on Tuesday and have a stretching/weights program I want to do twice a week too.
So there you have it – the life of Lil! It’s pretty cruisy, I know, and I can see that it won’t always be that easy to lose a kilo a week. But while it’s working for me I’ll keep doing it! I also have some visualisation/meditations on my MP3 player that I do two or three times a week (should be more!) and have been working on vision boards with inspirational pictures etc on. I think weight loss removal is a HOLISTIC experience ha ha!!
I went to a secondhand store warehouse sale yesterday, where every item was $1 – I ended up buying so much stuff, spent about $30 and now have some clothes that actually fit me! Yay! I was getting to the point of having to pull my trousers up every five mins – not a good look!!! I bought a gorgeous pink linen skirt for next summer which is a size 18 – nice to have some inspiration I think. Most of the clothes I bought yesterday were 20-22, and this time six months ago I couldn’t fit comfortably in my size 26s. I feel like I have accomplished something, finally, and now when I look in the mirror I don’t see a blob. Wow. I have my follow-up appointment with my surgeon this month, including blood tests, and I can’t wait to see Gorgeous Jon’s verdict! Got to make him proud!
It's now been just over six months since my lap sleeve surgery, and although it sometimes seems like only yesterday that I was 170kg (375 pounds), I really am comfortable now with the "new me". I had a slight miscalculation with my eating this week and threw up the extra mouthful (the old "one bite too many" trick, ugh) but I hardly ever have problems with my food these days. The adjustments that are still ahead of me are mostly mental and emotional... my body has adjusted well to my T4 (Teeny Tiny Tummy Tube), but I still struggle with my Fat Chick thinking. I don't get physical hunger pangs anymore, but the emotional hunger is as strong as ever on my "bad days" - I guess the main benefit is that I can only do a small amount of "damage" through my emotional eating. Instead of eating a family block of chocolate when I’m feeling hormonally challenged, I now eat 2 or 3 small chocolates (snack size). And really, that doesn’t happen a lot. I think as I get further along my new path in life those kind of hiccups will get rarer, as long as I keep working on the mental side of this weight removal thing!
For anyone interested in the finer details, I thought I would record my average daily food intake. I don’t really count calories or carbs or what-have-you, not at this point. I still have half my excess weight to lose, so I imagine I will have to get stricter further down the line. At this point, however, I am lucky enough to just be able to eat whatever I want (within reason!).
BREAKFAST: ¼ cup Bircher muesli with lowfat vanilla yoghurt, OR poached egg on whole grain toast OR Optifast shake
SNACK: Skim milk latte, low fat muffin OR banana OR Bounce Protein Ball
LUNCH: Ham, cheese and salad sandwich on rye bread, OR tuna sushi (6 pieces), OR small nachos, OR cup of vegie soup
SNACK: Coke Zero, ½ cup of popcorn OR potato chips OR cashew/pistachio nuts OR small chocolate bar
DINNER: Palm size piece of steak/chicken/salmon with salad or vegies. I don’t eat potato or pasta or rice. Once a week I have takeaway, usually half a chicken kebab/yiros or a piece of KFC with mashed potato and once a fortnight I have homemade pizza (and then freeze the leftovers to have for lunch, etc. Three small pieces per serve).
SUPPER: Occasionally I will have some fruit or nuts in the evening but I try not to eat after 7pm.
WATER: Most days I have two 600ml bottles of water throughout the day, I am hoping to increase this now I am doing more high intensity exercise.
EXERCISE: Five days a week I walk 4km at a fairly good pace; twice a week I do cardio workout video, I start Pilates classes on Tuesday and have a stretching/weights program I want to do twice a week too.
So there you have it – the life of Lil! It’s pretty cruisy, I know, and I can see that it won’t always be that easy to lose a kilo a week. But while it’s working for me I’ll keep doing it! I also have some visualisation/meditations on my MP3 player that I do two or three times a week (should be more!) and have been working on vision boards with inspirational pictures etc on. I think weight loss removal is a HOLISTIC experience ha ha!!
I went to a secondhand store warehouse sale yesterday, where every item was $1 – I ended up buying so much stuff, spent about $30 and now have some clothes that actually fit me! Yay! I was getting to the point of having to pull my trousers up every five mins – not a good look!!! I bought a gorgeous pink linen skirt for next summer which is a size 18 – nice to have some inspiration I think. Most of the clothes I bought yesterday were 20-22, and this time six months ago I couldn’t fit comfortably in my size 26s. I feel like I have accomplished something, finally, and now when I look in the mirror I don’t see a blob. Wow. I have my follow-up appointment with my surgeon this month, including blood tests, and I can’t wait to see Gorgeous Jon’s verdict! Got to make him proud!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
This week has been a complete blur. Have been working overtime every day, leaving home at 5:45am and getting home at 6:15pm -- no time for anything remotely resembling exercise, fun, or keeping in touch! This week should be back to normal, with no staff shortages (fingers crossed) and damn I am looking forward to the three day weekend. Hooray for the Anzacs I say, not only contributing to the general freedom from tyranny we enjoy but also scoring me a desperately-needed day off.
My weigh in this week was fairly dismal, not as dismal as it should have been considering the medicinal Freddo Frogs (chocolate, not amphibian, for those of you in America!) I consumed in a (futile) attempt to keep my energy levels up every afternoon. I'm now 131.3kg (289 pounds) - SO CLOSE to the 40kgs (88 pounds) lost target, when I can reward myself with a new pair of running shoes (to replace the pair I am still wearing even after the heel broke apart a couple of weeks ago). I found this week that I lost the plot slightly with regards to my food plan, I had hot chips (fries) one afternoon and another day a packet of crisps (chips). My latest mantra is CHOOSE YOUR RABBITS WISELY. I read a Chinese proverb recently that said "If you try to chase more than one rabbit, both rabbits will escape", and I thought how well that relates to my weight loss journey. I am trying to get my finances back on track, and learn my new job, as well as exercise, eat properly and keep mental focus. That's a lot of damn wascally wabbits!!! Occasionally, one of them (ie: the one that is carrying the healthy food!) gets away, but I need to concentrate on the particular rabbit/task in front of me. So I guess what I am rambling on about here is that I don't need to be 100% in control of everything all the time. Phew. What a relief. That's the BEST thing about this surgery, even if I do lose the plot and eat crap, I can only eat a small amount of it (thereby limiting the damage).
I am really starting to wonder if this whole journey, my whole life maybe, is about the realisation that I can't be in control all the time. I have to learn to be happy with being kind of good at things, better at others, and sometimes I will fail at almost everything!!! That's okay, isn't it?? Doctor Phil would say DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE. I think if I can truly believe that, and live it, then I will be successful in losing this weight and keeping it off forever.
My weigh in this week was fairly dismal, not as dismal as it should have been considering the medicinal Freddo Frogs (chocolate, not amphibian, for those of you in America!) I consumed in a (futile) attempt to keep my energy levels up every afternoon. I'm now 131.3kg (289 pounds) - SO CLOSE to the 40kgs (88 pounds) lost target, when I can reward myself with a new pair of running shoes (to replace the pair I am still wearing even after the heel broke apart a couple of weeks ago). I found this week that I lost the plot slightly with regards to my food plan, I had hot chips (fries) one afternoon and another day a packet of crisps (chips). My latest mantra is CHOOSE YOUR RABBITS WISELY. I read a Chinese proverb recently that said "If you try to chase more than one rabbit, both rabbits will escape", and I thought how well that relates to my weight loss journey. I am trying to get my finances back on track, and learn my new job, as well as exercise, eat properly and keep mental focus. That's a lot of damn wascally wabbits!!! Occasionally, one of them (ie: the one that is carrying the healthy food!) gets away, but I need to concentrate on the particular rabbit/task in front of me. So I guess what I am rambling on about here is that I don't need to be 100% in control of everything all the time. Phew. What a relief. That's the BEST thing about this surgery, even if I do lose the plot and eat crap, I can only eat a small amount of it (thereby limiting the damage).
I am really starting to wonder if this whole journey, my whole life maybe, is about the realisation that I can't be in control all the time. I have to learn to be happy with being kind of good at things, better at others, and sometimes I will fail at almost everything!!! That's okay, isn't it?? Doctor Phil would say DO WHAT YOU CAN, WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, WHERE YOU ARE. I think if I can truly believe that, and live it, then I will be successful in losing this weight and keeping it off forever.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Update On The Last Ten Days!
First of all, don't EVER assume that because you work for Telstra you get better service from them! Eight whole days we've been without internet access!! I didn't realise how much I depended on my online world for my sanity until it was gone. Thankfully, we are now reconnected and I can breathe again!
Since we last spoke (ha ha) I have weighed in twice. Initially, I was down to 133.3kg (a loss of 1.1kg I think?) but next time, a week later, I was back up to 134.7kg. As you know, we moved house during the last two weeks so maybe the new floor is wonky (thereby skewing the scales??). Could have something to do with the THREE hot cross buns I ate yesterday. I need to kick that gluten habit again, I am such a carb addict and once I have one I have to have more. Pathetic I know!
We are fairly well unpacked and getting organised, looking forward to the four day Easter weekend to fine tune the new arrangements. My new place is quite a distance from the bus stop, which means I am walking four kilometres (one k to the bus, one k from bus to work and vice versa) each day. I find it hard sometimes to remember that just 6 months ago I couldn't even walk half a kilometre without being puffed. I am looking at buying a recumbent exercise bike for when it gets really rainy and I dip out on some of the walking (through cadging a lift to the bus stop). I used to have an ordinary exercise bike, which I loved, but I still weigh 130kg plus and those little seats are RATHER uncomfortable! The recumbent ones are more expensive, but more comfortable. They have a proper seat for a start!
Food wise, sleeve wise, the last two weeks have been a bit hit & miss. I think having a lot on my mind, with moving, finances etc, has distracted me from the better food choices. Even though I can still only eat small amounts, and I don't feel physically hungry most of the time, I am still prone to emotional eating and bad choices. For instance, at work we have mini chocolate bars that the social club has for sale, and a couple of days this week I ate 2 or 3 -- even though they are small, the calories and fat still add up! And they are easily digested so there is still room for lunch! I need to make sure I have better snackfoods on hand - fruit, popcorn, etc. One of things I found out about the hair loss issue was that it relates to the absorption of protein - sometimes it takes a while for the new stomach to re-learn how to absorb protein, which is why the hair loss reverses itself after six months or so I guess.
Anyway - I eat protein with every meal (except lunch occasionally) but decided I could up the ante a bit. My latest find is Bounce Balls! (http://www.bouncesnackfoods.com/) I have to say I don't agree with the whole TASTY angle, even though they LOOK like a huge toffee with nuts they TASTE more like a brown piece of blutack with flakes of paint stuck in it. I find them a bit hard to eat sometimes! But they are 12g of protein for 9g of fat and 200 cal -- way better than an egg or something similar. And it's whey protein, which apparently is the best for the body to digest. I have half a one for my morning snack and half in the afternoon, and in the last couple of weeks my hair really has improved! It's not falling out so drastically (I know, I know, it probably is saving itself up for a mass evacuation any day now!)
Well, as you can tell I am still alive, still kicking, and wow have I missed everyone! How've you been??
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Despite Rumours To The Contrary...
I AM NOT DEAD! Nor have I moved to Adelaide, lovely city though it is. I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated my blog - slack and busy, not that it's any excuse! Adelaide was brilliant, I had a ball catching up with my friend Hayley and basically spent too much money (secondhand books are so cheap there!!). Returned home three days later with twice as much luggage and a quarter as much money ha ha.
One thing I wasn't expecting, or hadn't thought through, was the challenge of eating while travelling. It's much harder to be organised and vigilant, making sure you have the right amounts of nutrients and so forth. I found that I ate out for every single meal except breakfast, and I usually have five meals a day. Cause you can't order small proper meals, only entree type things, I either had to choose between wasting half a good protein choice (eg: steak) or finishing a bread-based entree (eg: bruschetta). I definitely will have to be better organised the next time I am away from home. As a consequence, or maybe just as part of another plateau, my weight has stayed the same for the last two weeks. I started my new job last week, and adjusting to the new timetable and new premises has probably also hampered my eating. I take almost an hour to eat breakfast these days, and I have to catch the bus to the city at 6:45am, so I get up at 5:15. I used to get up that early, or around that time, and walk my dog -- now I get the same amount of walking from the train station to work, but I don't get the time with my dog. I am also finding it a challenge to get into a routine of going to the gym again.
I know I will get there, it's just a readjustment phase I think. To make matters more uncertain, it looks like we will have to move in the next month as our landlord intends to sell up. I really didn't need to start a new job, have major surgery and move house all within six months ha ha. But we're thinking it could be an incentive to find somewhere cheaper (everything you've heard about the cost of living in Perth is true - yikes), and I am angling for somewhere within walking distance to the gym.
Next Monday it will be sixteen weeks since my surgery. It really is becoming such a "normal" part of me now, and I hardly even think about it. I automatically put the right amount of food on my plate, and eat protein first, and never try and drink at the same time as eating. I never thought it would become second nature, but it does. That's one of the reasons I'm happy to have these plateaus or stalls... losing the weight too quickly and in huge chunks would make me freak out a bit I think. I need the time to adjust mentally to the weight loss as well as physically. I set myself a goal to be 120kg by the time I see Gorgeous Jon for my surgical review in May, which means I need to shed 16kg or so in 10 - 12 weeks, which is definitely within reach. That will mean I'll be 45kg lighter than the first time he saw me, 50kg lighter than when I began this amazing journey back in September.
Wow, I have missed everyone on the forums, and on the emails and blogs!!! I've decided to cut back on watching TV, and switch it off at 7.30pm every night so I can catch up on WLS-related stuff before I go to bed. I go to bed SO EARLY because I get up at 5am...it's light when I go to sleep and dark when I wake up - how weird is that??!! I better shut up now, but I promise to keep the updates coming now I am back on track!
One thing I wasn't expecting, or hadn't thought through, was the challenge of eating while travelling. It's much harder to be organised and vigilant, making sure you have the right amounts of nutrients and so forth. I found that I ate out for every single meal except breakfast, and I usually have five meals a day. Cause you can't order small proper meals, only entree type things, I either had to choose between wasting half a good protein choice (eg: steak) or finishing a bread-based entree (eg: bruschetta). I definitely will have to be better organised the next time I am away from home. As a consequence, or maybe just as part of another plateau, my weight has stayed the same for the last two weeks. I started my new job last week, and adjusting to the new timetable and new premises has probably also hampered my eating. I take almost an hour to eat breakfast these days, and I have to catch the bus to the city at 6:45am, so I get up at 5:15. I used to get up that early, or around that time, and walk my dog -- now I get the same amount of walking from the train station to work, but I don't get the time with my dog. I am also finding it a challenge to get into a routine of going to the gym again.
I know I will get there, it's just a readjustment phase I think. To make matters more uncertain, it looks like we will have to move in the next month as our landlord intends to sell up. I really didn't need to start a new job, have major surgery and move house all within six months ha ha. But we're thinking it could be an incentive to find somewhere cheaper (everything you've heard about the cost of living in Perth is true - yikes), and I am angling for somewhere within walking distance to the gym.
Next Monday it will be sixteen weeks since my surgery. It really is becoming such a "normal" part of me now, and I hardly even think about it. I automatically put the right amount of food on my plate, and eat protein first, and never try and drink at the same time as eating. I never thought it would become second nature, but it does. That's one of the reasons I'm happy to have these plateaus or stalls... losing the weight too quickly and in huge chunks would make me freak out a bit I think. I need the time to adjust mentally to the weight loss as well as physically. I set myself a goal to be 120kg by the time I see Gorgeous Jon for my surgical review in May, which means I need to shed 16kg or so in 10 - 12 weeks, which is definitely within reach. That will mean I'll be 45kg lighter than the first time he saw me, 50kg lighter than when I began this amazing journey back in September.
Wow, I have missed everyone on the forums, and on the emails and blogs!!! I've decided to cut back on watching TV, and switch it off at 7.30pm every night so I can catch up on WLS-related stuff before I go to bed. I go to bed SO EARLY because I get up at 5am...it's light when I go to sleep and dark when I wake up - how weird is that??!! I better shut up now, but I promise to keep the updates coming now I am back on track!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Eating Out 101
I am still getting the hang of "eating out". I think since my surgery I've only eaten out four, maybe five times - not including casual lunch type "on the run" eating out, I mean actual restaurant meals where they give you metal cutlery he he.
Last night my family went out to dinner to say farewell to my sister-in-law and her baby daughter who have been visiting over the holidays. I downloaded the menu from the internet so I could plan what to have, and contemplated ordering just an appetiser. SUCH a hard decision, cause in reality the appetisers are not proper nutrition, and tend to be based around bread - which is my enemy these days. Once at the restaurant, my family decided to order a few appetisers to share, which was fine - I had a piece of bruschetta the size of a 20c piece and a scallop. Foolishly, I decided I would order as my main meal something called the "Baby Rump Steak".
I took this photo AFTER I had eaten all that I could (you can see the tiny space at the bottom left hand of the plate). Oh my goodness. It was the most ridiculously huge thing I had ever seen. Delicious though! I even managed to eat three chips/fries and a bit of salad. I think the hardest thing was watching the waitress skirt around the table trying to decide to clear 6 empty plates while one (mine!) was seemingly untouched!! I put her out of her misery after a while and asked for the steak in a doggy bag. Scruff (my pupsicle) ate well last night lol. Not sure how she felt about pepper sauce!
I can understand why some WLS patients avoid eating out. It's kind of weird watching other people eat en masse. I take so long to chew each bite that invariably some of my time is spent looking at other people eating. People eat A LOT. I know, I was one of 'em once! There is also the dilemma of the money wasting angle -- good steak is expensive wherever you are in the world, and knowing that you'll only eat a tiny portion of it makes you think twice. Even though it's good nutrition (for me) and goes down well, I do feel wasteful giving 80% of prime beef to the dog.
I guess it's part of the learning curve. I think in a larger group it's more difficult / uncomfortable. When it's just DH and me, I just eat off his plate or order an appetiser only and there's no drama. But in a bigger group it's more obvious that I'm the odd one out.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Weigh In Once More
Weighed in this morning at...
139.8kg
which is another kilo lost for good! Goodbye to the 140s, I won't EVER see you again!
My total weight loss since September 07 is 30.2kg. Since surgery, around 16 or 17kg I think?
All is well in the world of Lil and my T4. New favourite snack is popcorn (low fat), I think it has some fibre in it which is always good he he. I am still eating five small meals a day, which works better for me and my metabolism even though I know it's not recommended. I usually have:
Breakfast: poached egg on non-wheat sprouted bread with tsp butter
Morning Snack: slice of low fat ham or salami with a slice of low fat cheese
Lunch: homemade vegetarian wholegrain pizza (1 or 2 slices) with low fat fetta cheese
Afternoon Snack: cup of popcorn
Dinner: steak (palm size) and salad with low fat dressing, or tuna and salad, or roast lamb with vegies (except potato as I'm off white carbs now - hooray)
I have no idea, really, how much that is as far as calories or fat or fibre is concerned! It feels right for me at the moment, and if/when it stops working I will re-address it. I don't have to go back to see my surgeon Gorgeous Jon, or my dietician, until May. By then I am planning to have lost another 15kg AT LEAST. I am doing a nightly meditation/visualisation CD by Jon Gabriel (www.thegabrielmethod.com) who lost about 80kg, maybe more I don't remember exactly. It basically gets you to visualise your ideal body, and to switch your mind and body into fat loss mode, because if your mind and soul aren't prepared to be thin, are afraid of losing the fat, then any success will always be short-lived. It makes a lot of sense to me. I've always been apprehensive about being truly fit and healthy, so I'm working on all those obstacles as well as the physical challenge!
Catch you guys soon xxx
139.8kg
which is another kilo lost for good! Goodbye to the 140s, I won't EVER see you again!
My total weight loss since September 07 is 30.2kg. Since surgery, around 16 or 17kg I think?
All is well in the world of Lil and my T4. New favourite snack is popcorn (low fat), I think it has some fibre in it which is always good he he. I am still eating five small meals a day, which works better for me and my metabolism even though I know it's not recommended. I usually have:
Breakfast: poached egg on non-wheat sprouted bread with tsp butter
Morning Snack: slice of low fat ham or salami with a slice of low fat cheese
Lunch: homemade vegetarian wholegrain pizza (1 or 2 slices) with low fat fetta cheese
Afternoon Snack: cup of popcorn
Dinner: steak (palm size) and salad with low fat dressing, or tuna and salad, or roast lamb with vegies (except potato as I'm off white carbs now - hooray)
I have no idea, really, how much that is as far as calories or fat or fibre is concerned! It feels right for me at the moment, and if/when it stops working I will re-address it. I don't have to go back to see my surgeon Gorgeous Jon, or my dietician, until May. By then I am planning to have lost another 15kg AT LEAST. I am doing a nightly meditation/visualisation CD by Jon Gabriel (www.thegabrielmethod.com) who lost about 80kg, maybe more I don't remember exactly. It basically gets you to visualise your ideal body, and to switch your mind and body into fat loss mode, because if your mind and soul aren't prepared to be thin, are afraid of losing the fat, then any success will always be short-lived. It makes a lot of sense to me. I've always been apprehensive about being truly fit and healthy, so I'm working on all those obstacles as well as the physical challenge!
Catch you guys soon xxx
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Christmas Greetings
Thank god that's over. I'm soooo not a Christmas person lol. I'm lazy, antisocial and addicted to food - none of these things make Christmas a happy time of year!!! Even with the food addiction, though, this Christmas was a great one in regards to food. It was so easy with the sleeve, even if I wanted to pig out (which I didn't! weird) I physically couldn't, so I ended up having tiny bits of pretty much everything and felt completely satisfied. Didn't even attempt Christmas cake or Christmas pudding, as I've heard they are horrifying if they get 'stuck'. I found them a bit too rich even before I had the sleeve. The attention/focus on my surgery wasn't too bad, luckily the new baby in the family took most of the attention, which I was thrilled about! At one stage during Christmas lunch I forgot myself and took a drink of soft drink while eating (force of habit), so I got a bit heartburny and my DH freaked a bit and asked me if I was all right...but mostly I kept under the radar. Phew. One more successful outing for the T4 (teeny, tiny tummy tube).
My Stats For the Four Day Vacation:
Number of bottles of water - 15
Cans of Coke Zero - 4 (welcome back old friend!!)
Pieces of bread - nil
Ham & Cheese croissant - half
Swims in the pool - one
Presents - too many to count!
Chocolates - 20...ish
Frosty Fruit icypoles - 5
Kilometres driven - 650
Alcohol - nil
Puke - one (not a bad result for my first sleeved Christmas, was only a minor "foamies" incident)
Hopefully I have maintained my weight this week - I would be thrilled with a loss, but given the different surroundings and the lack of exercise, I will be satisfied if I'm still 142.
My Stats For the Four Day Vacation:
Number of bottles of water - 15
Cans of Coke Zero - 4 (welcome back old friend!!)
Pieces of bread - nil
Ham & Cheese croissant - half
Swims in the pool - one
Presents - too many to count!
Chocolates - 20...ish
Frosty Fruit icypoles - 5
Kilometres driven - 650
Alcohol - nil
Puke - one (not a bad result for my first sleeved Christmas, was only a minor "foamies" incident)
Hopefully I have maintained my weight this week - I would be thrilled with a loss, but given the different surroundings and the lack of exercise, I will be satisfied if I'm still 142.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
News From The Job Front
Yesterday I had two more interviews/registrations with temp agencies, which went well until they tried to force me into reception jobs (which I have been there, done/hate that) or jobs which required more than an hour travel each way (ditto). Why is it so hard to find a nice quiet filing or typing job lol. I have one day's work tomorrow doing data entry, but I think this is the wrong time of year to find temp contract work. Darn it, another instance of my husband being right...hate that ha ha!! I am not too stressed about it, payout from my last job covers up to this week, and even if nothing comes up til the new year, we'll manage. I prefer to hold out for the right job, or at least something that sounds interesting. I really do NOT want another job where I have to answer phones, I hate talking 0n the phone, even to me friends...don't know why. I'm just weird, ok.
Food wise, everything is going along nicely. Except we ordered takeaway Chinese last night and it didn't agree with me (2nd time that has happened). I think it might be rice, as well as chicken. I am ok with Basmati rice, but the sticky Chinese style doesn't suit my T4. I'm much happier since I gave up bread, not craving white carbs at all now - we even had roast on the weekend and I didn't have a single potato!! Wow. I am also trying to stick to one can of Coke Zero a week, now that I've discovered I can drink it again I was worried I would re-establish the addiction. But I seem okay with just an occasional can, and it takes me a couple of hours to finish it. My advice for the fizzy drinks is to let it sit for a while, have it with ice, and drink it through a straw -- all those things help me enjoy it without burping excessively!
I can't believe it's a week til Christmas. I realised this morning that not only will I not have my usual food addiction to help me through the stressful festive season, but I will be away from my computer for three/four days!!! How will I cope without all the bandit and sleever support?? Might have to commandeer my MIL's computer for a while at least once or twice, just to check in with everyone!
Food wise, everything is going along nicely. Except we ordered takeaway Chinese last night and it didn't agree with me (2nd time that has happened). I think it might be rice, as well as chicken. I am ok with Basmati rice, but the sticky Chinese style doesn't suit my T4. I'm much happier since I gave up bread, not craving white carbs at all now - we even had roast on the weekend and I didn't have a single potato!! Wow. I am also trying to stick to one can of Coke Zero a week, now that I've discovered I can drink it again I was worried I would re-establish the addiction. But I seem okay with just an occasional can, and it takes me a couple of hours to finish it. My advice for the fizzy drinks is to let it sit for a while, have it with ice, and drink it through a straw -- all those things help me enjoy it without burping excessively!
I can't believe it's a week til Christmas. I realised this morning that not only will I not have my usual food addiction to help me through the stressful festive season, but I will be away from my computer for three/four days!!! How will I cope without all the bandit and sleever support?? Might have to commandeer my MIL's computer for a while at least once or twice, just to check in with everyone!
Friday, December 14, 2007
The Happpiest Time of the Year
I must admit to being a bit of a grinch. I find that the whole happy family get-together at Christmas concept was always far beyond the reach of my semi-dysfunctional mob, and inevitably someone (ie: me) would end up depressed, insulted and left out lol. The last three Christmases I worked at Myer, harbinger of retail festive obsession, and being there did actually make me feel more "festive". I found buying gifts easy - having access to specials, browsing opportunities after (and sometimes during he he) shifts, and the whole Christmas carol, decoration overload actually got me in holiday mood.
This year, having experienced a separation from retail as well as a gastric sleeve, I'm finding the leadup to Christmas is bloody hard going. One of the things I have always loved about Christmas is the food... and of course this year things are going to be completely different. My family have started planning what food items we are taking down south (going to in-laws place in SW of WA for three days), and even though I will be able to eat small amounts of most things, it's just WEIRD to think of Christmas as being a time of restriction.
Christmas was the one time when my eating habits (bingeing, sugar overload, etc) were normal, and the same as everyone else's!!!
Now, once again, I'll be the odd one out! Apart from my darling husband, his family are all thin and have no concept of morbid obesity. Everyone there knows about the surgery, thankfully, so at least I won't be hassled about why I'm suddenly 25 kilos lighter (and my plate is 5 kg lighter lol). But I'm worried about the emotional stress, given that I won't be able to medicate myself with food. Most people drink to "escape" but I hate alcohol, always have. Food has always been my drug of choice, and though I will not starve at Christmas I certainly won't be "doped up" with carb endorphins. Yikes.
Meanwhile, I am also UNEMPLOYED - not exactly the best way to celebrate the end of 2007. I know, I know, something will come up and I have turned down a couple of things as they were not right for me... but really, I am so tired of always explaining myself. Hopefully next Christmas I will - for the first time ever - fit into the "normal" range for weight, lifestyle, etc. Nah. That sounds like it'd be bloody boring, but I WOULD settle for "normal" BMI. My plan is to be at 80kg, which will give me a BMI of 26, just a snifter over "normal". I'll take that, put it on my list Santa!!
This year, having experienced a separation from retail as well as a gastric sleeve, I'm finding the leadup to Christmas is bloody hard going. One of the things I have always loved about Christmas is the food... and of course this year things are going to be completely different. My family have started planning what food items we are taking down south (going to in-laws place in SW of WA for three days), and even though I will be able to eat small amounts of most things, it's just WEIRD to think of Christmas as being a time of restriction.
Christmas was the one time when my eating habits (bingeing, sugar overload, etc) were normal, and the same as everyone else's!!!
Now, once again, I'll be the odd one out! Apart from my darling husband, his family are all thin and have no concept of morbid obesity. Everyone there knows about the surgery, thankfully, so at least I won't be hassled about why I'm suddenly 25 kilos lighter (and my plate is 5 kg lighter lol). But I'm worried about the emotional stress, given that I won't be able to medicate myself with food. Most people drink to "escape" but I hate alcohol, always have. Food has always been my drug of choice, and though I will not starve at Christmas I certainly won't be "doped up" with carb endorphins. Yikes.
Meanwhile, I am also UNEMPLOYED - not exactly the best way to celebrate the end of 2007. I know, I know, something will come up and I have turned down a couple of things as they were not right for me... but really, I am so tired of always explaining myself. Hopefully next Christmas I will - for the first time ever - fit into the "normal" range for weight, lifestyle, etc. Nah. That sounds like it'd be bloody boring, but I WOULD settle for "normal" BMI. My plan is to be at 80kg, which will give me a BMI of 26, just a snifter over "normal". I'll take that, put it on my list Santa!!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
What A Start To The Week
Started my new job on Monday. Finished my new job on Monday!!!!!! Could not stand to go back for Day 2, as the people in my proposed workplace were total biatches and refused to train me, speak to me, acknowledge me... one or two people were nice but the majority are MISERABLE there, and it showed. Nup. Lemme outa here!
So I am on the job hunt again, have a promising interview tomorrow morning for a temp clerical role, with a view to permanent. It's at a hospital, and I LOVE hospitals - yay!
Met up with some fellow Gorgeous Jon patients last night, which was brilliant! They are doing so well, and it's terrific to get insight and encouragement from "fellow travellers". It's the first time I have met WLS people socially, and oh how wonderful to not be (or feel) the odd one out!
My new life without bread is terrific, I definitely feel less hungry without those empty carbs and I feel confident my weigh-in this weekend will reflect the extra effort. The spelt "bread" is actually really nice, I have it toasted with light philly, and I have corn thins sometimes which are also yummy. All in all, the journey is going great! Hope everyone else is the same!
So I am on the job hunt again, have a promising interview tomorrow morning for a temp clerical role, with a view to permanent. It's at a hospital, and I LOVE hospitals - yay!
Met up with some fellow Gorgeous Jon patients last night, which was brilliant! They are doing so well, and it's terrific to get insight and encouragement from "fellow travellers". It's the first time I have met WLS people socially, and oh how wonderful to not be (or feel) the odd one out!
My new life without bread is terrific, I definitely feel less hungry without those empty carbs and I feel confident my weigh-in this weekend will reflect the extra effort. The spelt "bread" is actually really nice, I have it toasted with light philly, and I have corn thins sometimes which are also yummy. All in all, the journey is going great! Hope everyone else is the same!
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Weekly Weigh In
I weighed in this morning at 145.4kg, which is 1.1kg lost since last week. Not brilliant, but I think I am still moving off the plateau I've been on for a month or so. Need to step it up a bit next week...I start my new job tomorrow, which will be great, and I'll have to develop a bit of a new routine. The buses are changing in my suburb just before Christmas, thanks to the new Perth - Mandurah train service *finally* starting up, and not only has the bus from outside my house been cancelled, but the one to the gym is also changing. I need to get my nerve up to get my driver's licence!! But no excuses, have to get to the gym at least three times a week, even if I have to take 2 buses or arrange a lift.
I am completely off bread again, have bought unsprouted Spelt bread and have a piece of that toasted with Light Philly. It's wheat and gluten free, and will hopefully help me kick my addiction to bread. I also bought some corn thins, as a lot of bandits seem to swear by them as a snack item or breakfast.
Lots to do, wrapping Christmas presents and getting my wardrobe organised for my new semi-corporate job! Hope everyone had a great weekend, chat soon!!
I am completely off bread again, have bought unsprouted Spelt bread and have a piece of that toasted with Light Philly. It's wheat and gluten free, and will hopefully help me kick my addiction to bread. I also bought some corn thins, as a lot of bandits seem to swear by them as a snack item or breakfast.
Lots to do, wrapping Christmas presents and getting my wardrobe organised for my new semi-corporate job! Hope everyone had a great weekend, chat soon!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
One Month Review
Thought as it was a month since my operation I would jot down some things I've discovered about myself and my T4 (teeny tiny tummy tube). It's been a mad rollercoaster ride over the last four weeks, with some extreme highs and lows, but usually my life is like that anyway so nothing has changed lol. Sometimes I think "What the hell have I done, take it away" but most of the time I am rational and can see that this procedure is the ONLY WAY I can reduce my eating and lose weight - and therefore have the chance for a long and healthy future. I'm a work in progress for sure...but the key word there is PROGRESS, which is something I haven't felt or seen in my life for a long time. I feel like there is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel of food addiction and obesity.
Some of the key points for November include:
Some of the key points for November include:
- Things I have thrown up: hot chips, watermelon juice, orange juice, crispy chicken wrap (McDonalds, what was I thinking??)
- Things I can usually eat easily (tho with the T4 nothing is certain lol): toast, bread, cheese, salad (except carrot, haven't tried that yet), beans, tuna, mince of any kind, most cooked vegies, banana, eggs
- Things I simply can't tolerate: fizzy drinks (waaaaaaaaaaaaah, jeepers I miss Coke Zero). Tried lemonade, fanta, lift - Can't even drink them when they've gone flat, they kind of "stick" in my chest, even though they are liquid, which is weird...The only thing that is semi-tolerable is Solo, which according to my husband (who watches way too much TV ha ha) "is light on the fizz so it goes down fast"!!!!!!!!
- Danger foods (easy and naughty): iced coffee, choc milk, full-fat dairy (esp ice cream and cheese), white bread
- Lessons I'm learning: EAT SLOWER!! I am eating at about a quarter of my pace prior to surgery and it's still way too fast! I am suffering indigestion because I don't concentrate on slowing down and chewing mega-slowly. I'm talking one mouthful per minute, max - that's all I can hack!
- What I miss most (apart from Coke Zero - waaaaaaaah): Taking a big bite or mouthful of something, ANYTHING!! And also skulling a huge mouthful of water or juice or ANYTHING!! The sipping is driving me nuts ha ha! Esp when it gets hot and I let myself get thirsty...
I'm sure I will think of a million more things to share with everybody, will post this on the Yahoo message boards too so everyone knows what I'm up to. I took a sneak-peek at the scales this morning (my weigh-in is due Saturday) and it looks like I might be shifting a kilo or two this week, so maybe my plateau is over??!!
I live in hope! Love and luck to all,
Lil xxxxx
Sunday, November 25, 2007
My New Plan
I really took a serious look at what I've been eating, and it's just been a bit on the dodgy side. My husband, bless his soul, took his life into his hands by commenting that I had cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday and that maybe that was A BIT too much full-fat dairy for one day lol. I took it well, cause he was 100% right. I wanted to have this operation and lose weight so that I never had to be a slave to artificial sweeteners and low-fat-crap, which is all well and good, but in reality I am still 70 kilos overweight!! HELLO!? What made me think I could have masses of full-fat cheese? One of the things that goes down well for me at the moment is pizza, homemade with pitta bread - hubby thinks that the "goes down well for me" thing is all in my head, as coincidentally all the things that go down well are things I like...yes, he is dicing with death lol.
Another conversation:
Me: "It's not fair, I decided to have the sleeve instead of the band so I could have things like bread"
Him: "I do not remember reading or hearing that the sleeve would let you eat bread five times a day, just three weeks after surgery"
Me:"Aaaaaargh."
As I was saying! I have had pizza a couple of times, made with a small pitta with mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, onion, olives - all of which is fine, until you factor in the fetta cheese AND the cheddar. Doh. No wonder I am a resident of Plateau City, population one. When I was on Dr Phil's Weight Loss Challenge (and lost 30+ kg) I had pizza all the time, but only had a few spoonfuls of low fat ricotta on it, which I'm intending to start doing again. I am so much in love with cheese it's pathetic. I must have been a mouse in a former life. Or maybe mould, cause I like all them stinky cheeses too.
Anyway. I need to reign in my eating. The T4 is not a foolproof system, but it's gonna work for this fool, let me tell ya. I need to eat less bread, esp. white bread, and I need to stop eating full-fat dairy (esp cheese). I'm planning to start having salad again, maybe avoid raw carrot and other sharp and crunchy things ha ha! This is a new chapter in my journey, and I KNOW I can get there. I'm checking out of the Cheese Addict Motel and heading down the Vegie Highway towards Skinnyville.
Ciao!
Another conversation:
Me: "It's not fair, I decided to have the sleeve instead of the band so I could have things like bread"
Him: "I do not remember reading or hearing that the sleeve would let you eat bread five times a day, just three weeks after surgery"
Me:"Aaaaaargh."
As I was saying! I have had pizza a couple of times, made with a small pitta with mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, onion, olives - all of which is fine, until you factor in the fetta cheese AND the cheddar. Doh. No wonder I am a resident of Plateau City, population one. When I was on Dr Phil's Weight Loss Challenge (and lost 30+ kg) I had pizza all the time, but only had a few spoonfuls of low fat ricotta on it, which I'm intending to start doing again. I am so much in love with cheese it's pathetic. I must have been a mouse in a former life. Or maybe mould, cause I like all them stinky cheeses too.
Anyway. I need to reign in my eating. The T4 is not a foolproof system, but it's gonna work for this fool, let me tell ya. I need to eat less bread, esp. white bread, and I need to stop eating full-fat dairy (esp cheese). I'm planning to start having salad again, maybe avoid raw carrot and other sharp and crunchy things ha ha! This is a new chapter in my journey, and I KNOW I can get there. I'm checking out of the Cheese Addict Motel and heading down the Vegie Highway towards Skinnyville.
Ciao!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Plateau
Am still located firmly on a plateau - today's weigh in has me at 147.8kg, which is barely a kilo lost in the last two weeks. I know that plateaus are normal, and in fact are a GOOD SIGN because it shows my body is readjusting to my new weight and lifestyle. But man, they are frustrating! I started back at the gym this week, which I think will help, and other than that am just continuing to get my fluids in, and try to choose healthy options for eating.
Chocolate is something I've had a couple of times in the last week or two - only small amounts, but it's not a good choice. It just goes down so well...no pain, doesn't stick...and then there's that positive endorphin effect! Even though the amount of chocolate I have these days is miniscule compared to the entire family block I regularly ate before, I'm still annoyed with myself.
Still suffering from tiredness, which my GP says is normal after surgery, and I constantly have to remind myself that it's not even a month since I had the operation. I am so impatient. Driving myself crazy ha ha. I think that it was easier to deal with the sleeve while I was losing weight - now I'm just over it, but of course there's nothing I can do about it, even if I wanted to! That's the perfect thing about the VSG, unlike any diet there's no "breaking" it or falling off the wagon. Man, it messes with my head sometimes!! But I am doing well, feeling lighter and fitter even though I'm tired and cranky.
If the plateau lasts more than another week or so I'm going back to the dietician at Mercy to show her what I'm eating, see if she has any advice. Most days I have Up & Go or boiled egg and a piece of toast for breakfast; then a small bowl of pasta or a tuna sandwich or ham & cheese rollups for lunch; then dinner is a small version of what the family has (quiche, pasta, lebanese bread pizza). I try to have pureed fruit or a banana or melon as well during the day. Actually, looking at that list it does seem like there are too many carbs in it. It sucks to not be able to have proper salad yet, and barbecued meat - I think I'll be ready for that next month.
In other news, I quit my job last week and am due to finish up there on 21 Dec. Have already had a couple of interviews, there are SO MANY jobs in WA at the moment cause everyone has gone to work in the mining industry! I am hoping to find something more interesting, and closer to home.
Chocolate is something I've had a couple of times in the last week or two - only small amounts, but it's not a good choice. It just goes down so well...no pain, doesn't stick...and then there's that positive endorphin effect! Even though the amount of chocolate I have these days is miniscule compared to the entire family block I regularly ate before, I'm still annoyed with myself.
Still suffering from tiredness, which my GP says is normal after surgery, and I constantly have to remind myself that it's not even a month since I had the operation. I am so impatient. Driving myself crazy ha ha. I think that it was easier to deal with the sleeve while I was losing weight - now I'm just over it, but of course there's nothing I can do about it, even if I wanted to! That's the perfect thing about the VSG, unlike any diet there's no "breaking" it or falling off the wagon. Man, it messes with my head sometimes!! But I am doing well, feeling lighter and fitter even though I'm tired and cranky.
If the plateau lasts more than another week or so I'm going back to the dietician at Mercy to show her what I'm eating, see if she has any advice. Most days I have Up & Go or boiled egg and a piece of toast for breakfast; then a small bowl of pasta or a tuna sandwich or ham & cheese rollups for lunch; then dinner is a small version of what the family has (quiche, pasta, lebanese bread pizza). I try to have pureed fruit or a banana or melon as well during the day. Actually, looking at that list it does seem like there are too many carbs in it. It sucks to not be able to have proper salad yet, and barbecued meat - I think I'll be ready for that next month.
In other news, I quit my job last week and am due to finish up there on 21 Dec. Have already had a couple of interviews, there are SO MANY jobs in WA at the moment cause everyone has gone to work in the mining industry! I am hoping to find something more interesting, and closer to home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
